Dear Dreamer,

He reminds me about that dream I've mentioned once or twice before.

Just as promptly he asks me, "What's your mission statement?" 

He asks me to tell him more about my vision, his questioning seeming intentional. And I wasn't prepared. I'd never considered that this idea swirling around in my head could be a {Real} possibility.

And this whole conversation has me thinking.

     Even though it doesn't have any specifics wrapped around it, maybe it's more than just a dream.  

Maybe it's time to do something about making these seemingly crazy dreams live and breathe.

A thought overwhelms and scares me. I'll see him again, soon, and next time I want to be prepared.

     I don't want to miss out on what God can do if I bravely, boldly declare -- pursue.

This idea is still just a seed, not perfect or even solidly identifiable. Truth tells me seed-size or not doesn't matter, it has a name, meaning and worth.

Like you and me in our mother's womb, we were some. one. even then. So let's pay attention to those nudges that just won't go away. Let's not dismiss the passion that rises within us, seeping and spilling out of our heart -- the incubator of dreams.

     These visions were made to germinate. Our heart created to grow possibility and hope. 

He's made us with an influence and it's wider than we think. Our words matter. That dream rambling? Don't dismiss its place in His story.

When that vision tumbles out of our heart with those seemingly silly thoughts, let's consider who's listening. There's life behind what we think and say.

Faith {en}courages us to consider our dreams have purpose.

Someday, someone might ask about that idea you let spill out.

     And that someone might very well be a connector to make that dream come alive.

It's quite possible your vision connects to someone else's dream. God's art is in the weaving of lives together for purpose. His glory is shown in the specific passions of His people lived out and connected to one another to produce great work.

Your pursuing could be obedience. Worship lived out.

So, choose courage -- to trust All. Is. For. Purpose. -- even that seemingly silly idea that just won't go away.

Let Him put a little color and texture on those dreams.

Declare. Pursue. Live.

Share your heart . . . add a comment below.

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itchy

I find myself saying it over and over again.

How I want to jump out of it. My skin.

The excitement is palpable. Itchy almost. 

I want to get there -- to where my visions lie.

But this process is necessary.

And I'm not so anxious that I dread the Now.

I'm just excited for what my heart knows deep inside.

Every single moment of my life has led up to this one.

The truth of this is incredibly overwhelming.

I tell two people and they both say the same thing, "it's almost scary."

And yeah, it is. But, I think . . .

What if I didn't do what I did all those times?

That's where it's most scary to me.

What if I didn't say Yes when I was invited to do this or that?

I can see how all those willing moments connect to each other. 

Glimpses of God is what I see.

Almost like a little boy crouching behind a fence, scurrying from one corner of someone's lawn to another.

Smiling. Spying. Scheming.

Excited is my God. For the plans He has for me.

Just like a Boy-Man who has a fun game to play and wants everyone to play along, too.

It's not trickery. It's joy-sharing.

This is a metamorphic moment in my life.

For now, I'm crawling low on the ground, scurrying and slinking.

I admit how I reach for everything and anything to feed me, to fill the gaping holes in me.

It's obvious to me how He wants to be my Food. My Fill. My Whole.

He wants me to trust that great things can come of broken, prideful, dangerous me.

I think of David and how he was so far from perfect. And yet, God chose him and used him.

He tells me my story is for purpose and every moment allowed to make way for beauty.

I remember how brilliant colors are most pronounced on dark canvas.

He shows me how Holy is already a part of me.

I think of David and how he declared. Even though he doubted, he declared.

His love for me is so overwhelming. How He keeps on working at me.

I'm headed to more declaring these days. For the hope I am certain of.

And I'm doing more grace-receiving. For me. Just as I am.

Share your heart . . . add a comment below.

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Kris Camealy is a writer who God has made my friend and who recently launched a book called, Holey, Wholly, Holy. I devoured her words with a hunger to be ever closer to Wholeness. I keep going back to it these days, sipping the truth and steeping in the richness of life that death to self has to offer. I have so much more to say about this book -- it isn't for everyone at once, it's for everyone at different times. Because, truly, there are seasons to life and we are wise to let Him percolate willingness in us to really begin to see the depths of His love; to go there really is transforming and awe-embarking. 

counting the cost of Risk

Many people get tired of doing the job they're doing and decide to look elsewhere.

Understandable motives inspire change:

     Searching for happiness masked as *Job. Satisfaction.*
     A genuine desire to work in the strengths-zone more of the time.

Books upon books applaud risk taking and making a change.

I used to think that not taking a risk was a sign of weakness.

Until today.

I thought that it was necessary to survey a cliff and jump bravely.

I still believe risk taking is important. Only, sometimes. Not always.

I used to think that taking a risk was a sign of living. 

Until today I had never really considered how it takes a whole lot more effort to make a different kind of decision:

To stay the course and not venture off the path of Now.

Staying isn't a sign of weakness. 

It's commitment.
It's loyalty.

It's a belief in *purpose* for Now, and a choosing of courage to trust. 

Staying is sometimes beautiful worship.

Defining myself, I often say I'm a visionary. And it's true, I am.
Hope isn't small for a heart like mine who dreams big.
Truth is, I'm sometimes a reactionary disguised as visionary.

I'm often discontent with Now.

Anxious for something Different, too often I am not willing to trust there is purpose here.

I react to situations around me and make decisions in haste based on my discomfort, frustration or angst.

I talk about how there's purpose in everything and I believe it to be true.

Often, I am quick to move on to the next thing, consuming whatever I can to make myself feel good all along the way. Praise...Promotion...Pride...

Feelings aren't enough to change course. 
They are just a part of the course. 

Sometimes risk is necessary.
And yet, sometimes risk is too big for me to even consider...
     even if my feeling have been hurt and my confidence crushed.

Sometimes saying "No" to risk is what is most necessary for my story.

Maturity and real growing-up sometimes requires grits to stay the course--
--to press on until the day when you're called to a different course;
not the day you just decide on Different because of boredom or frustration.

It's hard to realize this.
It's hard to accept it as truth.
It's hard to lay down my plans, buck up and invest myself in the Now, fully.

Considering what might be on the other side of Now is a risk.
And truth is, the grass isn't always greener.

Satisfaction is often times found more fully in the staying.
   
It is here where growing is sometimes most profound and our most meaningful experiences birthed.

# # #

I'm on a journey of 
discovering a few things about myself 
and evaluating my career. 

*This* is a difficult and painful journey for me. 

A necessary one. 

Growing up requires me to think outside of myself. 

I'm doing a whole lot of growing up 
and it requires that I surrender 
and sacrifice. 

Asking questions...

Giving myself grace to feel...

Choosing gratitude for Now...

It's where I am--trusting in today, 

     and the vivid colors of tomorrow. 


[Comments are back in this space where I needed it quiet for a time.]

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See

When we say Yes, our vision is expanded.

The periphery of our imagination is shifted into front and center sight view.

Invitations become opportunities to See Him.

It's not about us and what we're capable of, though physical challenges sure have a way of giving us visions beyond what we thought we could do. Goals blossom and we become inspired to try new things.

Sometimes our trying some. thing. is for someone else's story, as much as it is for ours.

The saying Yes--the *willingness* to accept an invitation--
     helps us See ourselves differently,
          and most especially gain perspective of what He sees in us.

When I say that maybe I should start seeing myself differently, and ponder the person I consider myself to be as compared to who others see in me, I don't necessarily mean what you might think.

Being *willing* gives me an opportunity to See the purpose He has in my life. And I don't just mean one. single. purpose.

Purpose is wide and expansive. It's comprehensive of a life, suggesting that not a single moment is wasted.

Surrendering my plans is hard. But, when I allow myself to step out and try something that tugs at me, suddenly my plan becomes moot.

Shifting directions to something new, I can't help but learn. grow. discover.

Different experiences are His chiseling of me. 

Trying new things isn't about prideful accomplishments in self--
     it's about Seeing Him in the
          risk-taking,
               invitation-seizing,
                    fear-releasing.

And in Seeing Him, I grow in my trust of Him.

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what if I'm wrong?

Sometimes God speaks to our hearts and gives us visions of what He has in store for us beyond the *now*.

We are required to wait.  And the waiting can be hard.

But *the now* in our lives matters.  It's important for *the later on* part in our story.  He designs our story with hope and there is purpose in it all.

It is our worship to be in *the now*.

Living in the moment, believing that we heard Him right and that there is beauty around the corner of *the now*, can be challenging.  And there is purpose in that, too.  He wants us to trust Him.  Always trust Him.

When He gives us visions for tomorrow He's teaching us about the patience He's already given us.  He teaches us about self-control.  He teaches us about His joy for now.  He teaches us about His goodness.

He teaches us how to trust Him more - for today's purposes and tomorrow's beauty.  And we grow closer to Him through the living.

Sometimes in the dance between the now and the later on - today and tomorrow - we can tend to question - what if I'm wrong?

What if I didn't hear Him right?  What if I'm mistaken?  What if my desires are outweighing His plan for me and all I'm hearing is my own wants?  What if I'm wrong?

This is where faith comes in.  The evidence of things unseen.  We must lean into Him - lean into our faith in Him.  Because we don't need to know.  We just need to live.

Lord, help me to be fully in today as I trust you for tomorrow.  You have purpose for all of this.

a vision

It's race day and I wake up to sunshine and *peace*. Ever am I so grateful.

It's been dark and dreary, rain has poured incessantly.  And I can't help but see the symbolism in my spirit - how I've flailed in darkness and been drenched with moments of crippling fear.

I ask for God's breath and visualize the race.  I know I can do this.  With God, I can live this.

Again, symbolism.  Life.  I turn toward today's small race - me as just a small part in a sprint triathlon, a member of a team.  I am depended on.  I have purpose.

Peace overwhelms me.  I am strong.  I can do this.

Truth overwhelms my thoughts: It's not just me.  It's Christ who lives in me.   

First I did it for someone else.  Now I do this for Him.

Again, I turn back toward the vision:

Push. Hard.    
Breathe. 
Count. One {stroke} at a time.  
Push air out. 
Breathe in strength.

Sometimes visualizing ourselves doing something is the most important part of living.  Visualizing the task at hand keeps us from distractions and helps us focus on what is most important at the time.  We're more prepared this way.

It gives us hope to imagine possibilities of succeeding.  Visualizing helps us break free from the chains of fear that can bind our peace.

Truth reminds us that we realize we can't create a situation just by thinking about it.  Nonetheless, meditating on the moment that is about to be is purposeful and helpful. It is important to take time to prepare, even in the mind.

Friends encourage me and I struggle to believe them.  I tell myself I need to start believing these things.  Again, I turn toward the vision and peace overwhelms.

It's important to visualize.  It's important to imagine possibilities.  To picture ourselves in a situation before we're there - seeing how we might handle something before we get there, but realizing that we can't fully imagine what will happen.  And so that's when we turn and reach for our faith.

We need to acknowledge that though we are strong, God is stronger.  Though we are determined, we can't make something happen.  God gives us our abilities.  He sets the stage before us - creating the exact setting that is most important for our story.

He gives visions to prepare us.  

Only God knows what will happen next year, or next month, or even later on today.  For now, as we breathe in the very next breath, we have a choice to deliberately focus on the right now, including that which we have a clear vision for in the near future - because the vision we have {for tomorrow} has purpose for today.  

Use these visions, Lord, to prepare me for your {tomorrow} plans for me.  Cover these visions with your peace and truth, and most of all your patience and trust.  

what if the blessing is the *no*?

For a long time I've had an ache, a *longing* that has been so painful.

I've written about it.  I've talked about it. I've prayed about it.  And I've even asked for it go away.  Yet, the ache is for what I thought was God's plan - a vision from Him.

How would I be patient in the waiting?  

The waiting was is hard.  It was is painful.  I began to want it more and more.  Until, it was simply too much of a want.  Then, I asked for the desire to go away.

God answered.  No longer did I want all the responsibilities that would come along with the *longing* coming true. Yet, my heart still had room for the blessing, if it would come to be.  The ache vision {seemed to} remain(ed), even in spite of my mind saying no, thank you.

What does a person do with what appears to be a vision?  What does she do with an ache, a *longing* that she can't make go away - that He doesn't take away - until He does, and the vision remains.

How does she continue to believe in Someone who she cannot physically see, and yet she does see in so many ways?  How does she continue trusting when it seems so obvious the vision won't come to be?  

I've been wrestling in a big way.  Last week I even dared to utter the words, I hate you, to the God who created me and you, and this whole wide world.  I didn't want to believe any more, and yet I did.  I felt tortured.

In the pain of the ache, I am drawing ever nearer to God in the most amazing ways.  His ways are higher than mine.  He wants what's best for me.  And this, this ache, I'm seeing - it's good for me because it draws me to Him.

I think if He answered my *longing* perhaps I wouldn't be this close to Him, and that scares me.

I am at a crossroads right now.  Trust in this ache, or...

I can't think of another option.  All roads lead to Him.  I cannot move without Him providing breath, and He has become so evident in every thing.

So, I live on.  

This life - everything about this life I have - is for great purpose.  Everything that happens has great meaning.  Deep significance.  My life has been blessed and continues to be blessed, and I believe today that the hard times like the aching of my heart, is really one of the greatest blessings ever.  How it brings me closer to His love, and so much more.

Through walking this vision I've come to places I wouldn't have otherwise.  I've come to acceptance of God's will, and to seeing His goodness in Every. Thing.

I am receiving Grace for myself and living without chains that I only thought were bound to me out of deservedness.

I am seeing I deserve this {Grace} full *life* and to live wholly and uniquely me, because He made me this way - not because of anything I did or didn't do. I am learning to trust Him.

All along in my living with this ache in my heart, I've feared.  I've feared what if it isn't true?  I wonder why I feared.  Did I think - Then what?  How will I live?  What will come of my purpose?  I don't think so.  But, perhaps.

I've pondered the *why* of my ache and came face-to-face with my sorrows and grief, and my sadness and shame.  I've wanted to atone for my choices and to tangibly see - to believe - that nothing is wrong with me.

I have a voice that wasn't there prior to this *longing.*  And in walking through this valley of *longing* - of aching for a vision I thought was God-placed - I've seen things I wouldn't have otherwise.  And it's brought me to here.  To the writing.  To seeing *my* God-carved-heart.  And to sharing with people who I wouldn't have otherwise shared with.

Perhaps in the aching I've been used to touch some one else's heart.

The other day I wrote a post intended to be for my groom. God has brought that post back to the forefront of my mind in a powerful way.  Because He wrote that post.  Not me.  He reminds me of the words - that my life {still} has purpose and meaning, even if my greatest *longing* never comes to be.

For all of these blessings I unwrap today, I give thanks.