letting it all go

We all long for things.  Calling it hopes and dreams sounds so much prettier than chasing after the wind.  Yet, it's the wind we sometimes chase.

I've made years-full of plans, and I've counted months, weeks, days and even hours.  All the while longing for things that aren't right-now.

Finally, I've gotten to a place {at least for now} where I am tired of longing for what isn't evident right before me.  I'm unbelievably tired.

It's a scary thought - letting go of the longing.  Yet, I'm not sure why.  There isn't anything I'm holding on to, really.  Just images that aren't a real part of today.  And so, really, there's nothing there when I open up my hands to release.

(Except, it feels like there is something there.)

It feels like there are rooms to my heart - spaces that hold things - and when I clean out those rooms and release their contents, I'm not sure I'll ever get them back.  Even if the images are from God, if He hasn't brought them into these days {yet}, there isn't anything to get back.  

(I let my heart settle on this.)

There really aren't rooms in my heart that have spaces to hold real things.  Tangible things don't live inside my heart.  And holding on to these things doesn't mean that by claiming them they are mine.

It's a huge realization.

The letting go of thinking I have an ounce of control is so freeing.  

My shoulders feel less tense and my jaw less like a vice grip.  Suddenly my heart is able to *see* in the most amazing ways.  Where eyes weren't literally placed, sight is given - to the joys that make the heart beat.

Today's gifts get unwrapped and not overlooked when we're able to *see*.

And so, I'm just letting it all go...the need for control, and to know, and for everything to be the way I think is the right way.  I'm collapsing my fears and worries, and breathing in energy and alertness for the moments that are before me, in my immediate purview.

My Father who created me isn't cruel.  He's a good God who wants the best for me - His best.  I'm thinking a lot about this lately and walking more in trust of His ways.

Help me to surrender, God...to let it all go into your hands...