finally okay with me {...most days}

A re-post from March 3, 2011

It's no wonder there are so many of us with body image issues.  Just take a look around.

Magazines ...television shows...advertisements...

Everywhere we look there are images of sex appeal, and usually it's displayed in thin-with-slight-curves.  Some of us have noticed that girls today seem to be maturing quicker than we did, and yet it's no wonder!

(By the way ladies, this year's Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition is out!)

I am one of those women who has commented about my weight,
chagrining the recent brownie I practically inhaled and flippantly mentioning how much I'll need to run tomorrow.  

But truly, when I think about it, I'm (finally!) okay eating that brownie.  And that cookie.  And that piece of cake.

I don't eat to over abundance, but I eat to pleasure.  I count food as one of my greatest joy's and I'm grateful for how feelings are evoked by certain foods.  I've learned that denying myself an opportunity to enjoy a special treat that a friend made or a colleague brought in, denies me the opportunity to taste so much more.

Recently I've finally gotten to where I'm {finally} okay with me.

I'm finally okay with the seasonal change in weight my body undergoes as I put on my winter coat, and then as my body naturally sheds it when the skies close up and sunshine abounds in more warmer temperatures.

The way my body ebbs and flows slightly (or a bit more depending on the season), is a reflection of a life lived.  

With the beginning of Fall comes the ending of Summer vacations and it's time to buckle down.  School starts back up and family schedule's become more chaotic.  The body adjusts slightly to life's Autumn stresses until cooler temperatures arrive and comfort foods are made from the reaping of the harvest's bounty.  Sweets are shared and given as the Winter holidays arrive.

Quickly, we realize what the holidays have done to us, and so we make fast efforts at reigning our bodies in...until Valentine's Day, and Girl Scout Cookies, and NCAA March Madness, and Easter, and...life that whirls around us becomes busier.

Soon, though, Spring gives way to new ambition and just as the dirt and mud is eventually cleansed away, our winter coats are shed for another year and we walk a little lighter into the warmth of the day.

I want to have a body that is a reflection of a life lived.  And I want the life lived to be one of peace and joy, not chaos and stress.

I'm grateful for the way my body eventually finds itself back at the same weight after life takes me off course some seasons, and I'm grateful for all the food I can enjoy when I don't place restrictions on myself.  Starving or denying myself only makes me want more, and so letting myself dip my toes in the water and taste the sweetness keeps me level, ever joyful for the gifts that I don't need to reject but that I instead can embrace and taste.

There are still days when it's hard to like my body and all its curves.  I look around me and my ears open wide and I get tempted to toss away those sugary sweets, ratchet up my daily mileage, limit my daily bread.

But I didn't create me, and so I can't change God's Design.  I am learning my body.  When I take care of me, I can bake a cake and eat it, too.

I can enjoy so much more when I just accept who I am instead of trying to play games with me.

I once put a note on the door of my home: Only curvy girls live here.  It's okay.  The girl who lives in my home also realizes choices have consequences and there is a responsibility with every life.  I must exercise - No. Matter. What.  I must exercise my mind, my emotions, my body, and my soul.  Even if I don't say yes to that cupcake, my body still needs to be exercised.  My heart needs to pump faster, my blood needs to flow quicker, my mind needs to relax, my muscles need to stretch, my heart needs to be massaged.

I must exercise the body.  

I also must enjoy the body and enjoy life.

It's a delicate dance.  Sometimes we idolize food and find so much comfort in it that we over do it a little (or a lot).  We look to food as salve in the angst and when we can't find it, we indulge more and more.

But when we step back and open our hands to the Bread, daily, we find more strength for the good choices, and the dance of life.

Jesus is the giver of everything.  He gives and He takes away.

This truth is my first priority each day as I battle myself, and through time He makes less of me and more of Him.  My eyes become more focused on the heart of worship.

I honor Him when I say yes to who I am - even what I look like.  

When I decide that I'm okay just the way I am and let Him deal with the parts that need work, I worship in a way more *beautiful* than ever.

When I receive Grace for myself, I am living free.  

How about you, have you made peace with you yet?