Tuesday, December 31, 2013

on Choosing

from the archives (1/4/13)

There are these {crazy-wild} dreams that swirl around in my heart.

They follow me all day and into the night. They whisper to me at my favorite part of the day when it's dark and quiet.

I entertain those whispers and delight in my Hope. In the dark and the quiet.

(Hardly ever in the bright *whirl and twirl* of the day.)

These dreams don't make sense, though Wonder tells me that they could be connected. They are impractical and my every day Real seems to highlight the reasons why these dreams are so unrealistic.

I feel dumb. So I quiet.

Bending into the uncertainty, I let my questions stir and be.

One word for this year-story-to-be has been clear and obvious and yet I've doubted it. Many more words have come to the surface and I've considered replacing the one.

Choose keeps finding me.

(And with that, doubt, too.)

Because, I'm not {yet} willing. Though He says that I am.

He tells me I am capable and He will do the rest. He will give me this rest. Peace. And that to choose is enough. It's to submit . . . fears, doubt, control . . .

This question keeps finding its way to me: Who is God . . . in my life? And so I choose who I will serve.

Last year I talked about Wonder and Willingness from a perspective of distance, as I was considering what it might mean to submit to faith -- the hope in what is uncertain.

I consider the opportunity that may come from moving beyond considering to choosing . . . to submit and be willing . . . to be obedient and choose Any. Thing.

(even especially my imperfect self.)

So I say "OK"

( . . . even if a little hesitantly.)

You might be interested in this:

this is my worship.



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1 comment:

  1. Yes! It is a choice to accept ourselves as we are and let that be enough because He says we are enough. Oh yeah!