This impatience, angst, grumbling and longing has been good.
I'm trusting Him that this is true.
Anger has been a part of my heart of late and it's directly related to the tugs.
I've wanted to be heard.
I've wanted the Different that my heart longs for,
and for *permission* to dive into it.
So ready to jump, I am poised and waiting for the signal to Go!
I'm not sure what it is I'd be jumping into, except certainty tells me it'd be Trust, for sure.
In the waiting, I am learning to give myself the permission I long for.
To drop the rules and run freely Me.
No one else can give me this.
The good girl in me wants affirmation. To know for sure what I think is right.
I question myself, though I discern well; my intuition strong.
As it's been a challenge to choose gratitude, I've counted anyway.
And in the counting I added anger to the list.
Anger propels change.
It ignites the passion to live as Authentic-Me.
It fires the engine that makes me move.
It drowns out fear and reminds me of Truth.
And so I *consider* all things Different.
I carefully weigh the risks before me.
It's my choice now. Step forward and try, or shirk back and rest into now?
My worship is in my choosing.
Trusting there isn't a right or a wrong answer--that I wouldn't be less of a good girl for doing more resting and less risking--my muscles of courage are sand-like.
Heavy with fear. So heavy I have no choice but to choose courage.
Because the searching for right has left me exhausted.
I don't See the why yet, but I cling to purpose in this story.