The ones He wants me to say Yes to.
I tell Him that I trust He will speak to me in His time, though I recognize that which often keeps me from hearing His voice --
of what others think and will think . . .
of how I might ruin my child and future children . . .
of the expectations of others and mostly my perception of what they expect . . .
of failing to fill all the holes in my children's lives . . .
of being myself.
So much of me wants to live at ease with my life.
I envision what a gift this is to others, my children especially.
I want to develop discernment as to what is most right for me moment-by-moment.
I want to live according to His voice.
I want to embrace the talents and message that He has put on my heart.
I want to be the most excellent Me I can be right where I am at any given moment.
I want to accept Me and especially my limitations, tendencies, shortcomings.
I want to embrace my weak spots where I am most vulnerable to temptation.
After all . . . He does.
I don't want to be enslaved to other people's thoughts and opinions.
To love myself more. To do everything how I think I should.
Yet, I know that what I think isn't often times what's true and so I wriggle in confusion over my perspective of the should's.
He invites me to choose Truth, I am cherished
just. as. I. am.
a piner for control and all.
weary and broken from living a try-hard life.
I stare at myself with bewilderment over how I am such a bawled up mess.
He invites me to let go and choose Him
. . . with all that I am now, and all the hopes of who I will be.
Just. As. I. Am.
a dream constructor.
a luster of attention.
a craver for right.
a perfection seeker.
a wide influence abuser.
He challenges me to let Him quiet Me.
To slow Me.
I rush through even a drink of water, gulping it and not slowing for even this simple life-nourishing drink.
So concerned I should be doing something else, I rush life out of angst and focus on what I fear people think.
He invites me to live, accepting what is as it is -- especially myself.
By surrendering the try-hard, I am choosing to trust He will use my messy self --
my shame. fears. doubt. and insecurities.
He invites me to come, just. as. i. am.
Generous in heart.
Passionate about mercy and grace.
Seeker of Truth.
Dreamer of possibilities.
Speaker of Hope.
I read the words He led my friend to write and tremble over its enormity:
"Perhaps what God calls us to give up, really, is ourselves."
He wants to
disrobe my ideals . . .
unleash my raw, unedited heart . . .
strip me bare of the life I have created . . .open my eyes to the idols I've made my focus points.
And so I step, timidly, toward the valley.
Innately I know it will be a slow, painful process.
It already has been, just to get to this moment.
He invites me to receive His Grace for me.
I consider the possibilities that lie ahead as I learn to give up this try-hard life and choose Him.
Like my next breath, the stepping comes naturally and without effort.
This is His dream for me.
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