Wednesday, July 18, 2012

hope matters

Before she came along, I never felt quite as wanted.

Every step I take is noticed. Every move inspected.

She's always ready to leave her comfort spot to be by my side.

Growing up, I wasn't really a dog person. The dogs that we had lived outside. And though it didn't seem it then, it just seems so cruel now.

We've had our pup for eight months and I can't imagine her not living side-by-side us. Literally, she has become an extension of myself.

Always at my side, she follows my every move. And every day I remain amazed at her interest in me, and my own love for this dog.

Her breath stinks like some creature crawled up in there and died. Literally.

She'll appear to be sleeping, though always has a close eye on me and knows the exact last stretch I make before I'll turn to her and ask if she wants to go for a walk. At the sound of the word she paces around my legs one time. She grunts and whines as if to say yes.

If I reach for my running shoes, she seems to know she'll have to wait until I return to the house from my own exercise.

If I reach for another kind of shoes, she nearly explodes out of her skin with excitement to get outside. 

I leave for work in the morning and she's lying right near the door. Her head barely moves and I hardly ever say goodbye to her, too focused on my own schedule. She doesn't seem to mind, though my groom says she stays by the door all day. Waiting for me. 

At lunch time she lifts her head to say hello, though hardly ever gets up to greet me. She knows I do my thing. But at the end of the day, it's a different story. She stands to greet me and her tail wags incessantly.

It's as if she knows I'm here to stay and all is right with the world. Her family is home. I say Hi to her a little more cheerfully and often bend down and wrap my arms around her. She knows I'll turn to The Boy and promptly start dinner, but her favorite part of the day is when I come home and I know it.

This pup makes me feel wanted. Adored, actually. I'm not sure why she likes me so much. And I often say that out loud.

It feels good to be noticed. Especially to be adored and wanted. 

This pup makes me wonder why I'm worth all her attention. Especially because I'm not quite as interested in her most of the time--often so self focused.

I don't feel good enough to be loved this much.

The Boy comes downstairs in the weekend morning's and she whines a little bit, looking at me and then to him. I'm not sure what she thinks--if she's nervous he'll take all my attention, or if she is just tending to my pup. He always gets several gentle licks from her.

Sometimes The Boy annoys The Pup and I can see it. She glances at me I give her a nod. She tolerates him and never leaves his side or growls at him. They're gentle toward each other. It's a precious sight to see. And often I marvel at their exchanges of love.

I was running one day and got this idea to get a dog. It was a crazy idea and I felt it'd be a miracle if it worked out.

We've had two other dogs before and they had their own set of issues. But I thought that perhaps the third time's a charm and there might be a better fit out there for us.

I believed there was a right time and that the right situation would come along. It was a big, wild dream. And I was willing to consider the possibility.

Not too much later I learned of a breeder who was looking to retire one of her dogs to just the right family. A puppy was unequivocally out of the question for us and an older dog seemed more right for us. It took a few months until the breeder felt comfortable in selecting us. She prayerfully considered the right home for her beloved and didn't rush the process.

Timing is everything. And time is necessary.

We're all in love with this pup, even my groom who grew up with too many dogs and too many not pleasant experiences. She fits in our family, nearly perfectly.

Miracles happen and dreams do come true.

I try to believe this when I listen to the exclamations I hear over this pup, even from my own mouth.

I think of how this pup was created by God and He is love. I wonder, could He really be inside her heart? It's a silly thought and yet somehow she always brings me to Him. To love and acceptance. And how Hope makes a difference.

Daring to believe in possibilities makes things happen. This truth overwhelms me as I consider what else Willingness might bring to our lives.


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  1. horses make me feel the same way. i look forward to having a few in the near future.

  2. It's wonderful how they just become a part of us, and our families!