Thursday, June 28, 2012

sprinkles and dreams

"It's sort of impulsive, don't you think?"

He asks me as if I need to be reminded.

And I own it.

I tell my groom that it's true. Yet, it isn't quite.

For a long while I've wanted something. Dreamed of it, in fact.

I've waited for the right time. And an okay time suddenly arrived.

Anyone who knows this side of me, knows it fits me well.

We talked. He suggested it was my gig. I could decide.

Biggish purchases shouldn't be exclusively on one set of shoulders in a two-person partnership.

I feared the weight. I feared the wrong.

As we talked and deliberated and I searched for right, I soon discovered that there isn't one.

I realized that we really are doing this deciding together. He's right next to me and we're talking, sharing, deliberating.

I ended up suggesting that we Just. Do. It.

"It's the sprinkles in our lives. The fun in our days!"

We smile a lot in our house. Laughter happens.

A purchase of any size isn't needed to bring joy or happiness. But sometimes it's okay.

What we did isn't of any incredible magnitude. And some might say we were "silly" or "irresponsible".

(For that reason I probably won't share what it was exactly that we took the plunge and bought.)

What I will say is this:

     Sometimes it's okay to seize the dream

And when we do, chances are it isn't

I've a friend who has been writing a lot about this. Our hearts are linked as we consider this and what it means for us.

Sprinkles on my ice cream remind me to be like a child and choose Joy.
The kind where our fears don't limit us.
The kind where responsibility and rationalization and realistic don't exist.

Children don't live in the realm of practical thinking. Their thoughts are big and s t r e t c h  w  i  d  e.

This morning I was thinking about the size of God. The One who created me.

He's big. As in, He created Abraham and Sarah...and me. That same, really Big. God.

I get chills as I consider this. I can't fathom it all and it scares me a little to think about the scope of this truth.

Specific dreams are a part of my heart. 
Ones that don't make a bit of sense. And yet, they do.  
Ones that seem so impossible. And yet, they aren't.

*Today* might never have happened in my dreams. And yet, it did.

He's just this Big. To have me a bride. In a loving and intimate relationship with my groom.

I am in awe every day over what He's allowed in our marriage. What He's become of us.

We're not done and what we have isn't perfect.
We're incredibly fragile in our togetherness.

The miracle is how we were first a dream,
     and today we are this.

Telling him a story, my groom leans in closer to listen. I can feel his curiosity.

I *wonder*...

     if my dream-telling is weaving courage in his own heart...
     ...what it means...
          ...what will become of us and this dream that is so much bigger than this purchase...

I *wonder* if maybe we really can pursue that Big Dream together.
     If maybe the right time is Now.

We never know what our dreams mean. Or when the right time will be to seize them.

He leads us to courage every single day.

Courage that says it's okay to venture in the water and See

There aren't impulses here. Just readiness. 


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