enough

Slowly I've been led to a surrendering that leaves me shaking.

I'm confident that this is right and excitement wells up in me.

At the same time, doubt nestles close and whispers her questions.

It's worship. I know it is.

Surrender is always worship.

Still, it aches. And I know, it's not supposed to feel good.

I'm not supposed to know what my act of surrendering means.

I can't possibly know the exponential value of this choice.

What it represents--my wanting to trust Him--is profound. It's meaning-filled.

I don't always trust. I can't fully.

But digging deep and choosing this, it's my worship. This I know.

I'm surrendering conception today. The Wonder for whether we'll have another child of our own. My calendar.

And tomorrow, when the choosing is hard, I hope I do it again.

When it's a tough choosing, I trust He'll lead me again and again.

*Now* gets swept in the corner when I sprawl out my plans for tomorrow. 

I don't want to miss out on the delectable flavor of the bread specifically made for me today.

I want *Now* to be enough for me.

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