I'm confident that this is right and excitement wells up in me.
At the same time, doubt nestles close and whispers her questions.
It's worship. I know it is.
Surrender is always worship.
Still, it aches. And I know, it's not supposed to feel good.
I'm not supposed to know what my act of surrendering means.
I can't possibly know the exponential value of this choice.
What it represents--my wanting to trust Him--is profound. It's meaning-filled.
I don't always trust. I can't fully.
But digging deep and choosing this, it's my worship. This I know.
I'm surrendering conception today. The Wonder for whether we'll have another child of our own. My calendar.
And tomorrow, when the choosing is hard, I hope I do it again.
When it's a tough choosing, I trust He'll lead me again and again.
*Now* gets swept in the corner when I sprawl out my plans for tomorrow.
I don't want to miss out on the delectable flavor of the bread specifically made for me today.
I want *Now* to be enough for me.