Wednesday, October 26, 2011

easy fears and hard fears

This has been a year of challenging my fears. Facing them head on.

First, it began with riding a bike. As in cycling. On a road. By myself. And, further than to the library like I did when I was a kid. I shared about how I was afraid I'd get hit and die.

I did it. (Rode nearly 30 miles. Not get hit and die.)

It didn't take long until I rode out there all big-like. I gulped a heavy drink of *bravery* and held my arm out to turn left, all courageous-like.

Next, I agreed to swim. In a race. As part of a team. I shared about how I couldn't breathe and I thought I was going to drown.

I did it. Just like everyone said I would. And I even said I'd do it again--next time to complete the race on my own.

Then I stuck my foot out there and said pick me for a job that was already predetermined. I knew it was important for me to apply, though it was scary as heck to do what my boss didn't think was good for me.

I did it anyway. And my Father was pleased.

Fear of creativity and lack of knowledge told me I couldn't capture beauty.

I hid my curiosity to view life behind the lens for so many years.

Until the prompt to try burned a hole out of fear right into *wonder* and I decided to try my hand at capturing life this way.

Then, I said maybe and soon that became a Yes. Now I am in love. And, I never could have imagined.

I shared with a decade-in-the-making-best-friend that I feel a tug for Different. The sharing makes me think now I have to respond to the tugging, and that scares me.

Sharing with one evolved into sharing with another. And another.

And then another. Friends who I actually haven't even *met* yet.

Admitting my ache to work to my heart cry and not strengthen my burn out skills is scary. It makes me aware of my fears that dreams won't come true. Possibilities seem so out of reach sometimes, especially when we've built our lives in a box-like-shape.

Several times this year I've stepped out and taken risks. My eyes have been open and I've been able to See so much through choosing Courage.

There have been *easy* fears and *hard* fears invited of me.
Slowly, the challenges became bigger and bigger.

I tackled fears invitation by invitation.

Still, though, Fear remains. All of it.

Just because you tackle the opponent doesn't make her go away.

I still don't have any answers or any big ah-ha reflections about Fear. All I can do is give Thanks. For every invitation--for every moment that I've Seen my Father show up in my life, in a big, powerful, personal way.

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  1. oh..the stepping out...the trusting...I am in a season too...stretching...finding a boldness in HIm...I am with fear...leaving one lie at a time...
    Blessings as you open each invitation...