Thursday, August 11, 2011

truth and feelings

When we name our feelings--giving ourselves permission to identify them--we experience *freedom.*

For years I wrestled with the strained relationship between my father and me.

I'd fight to choose forgiveness over anger, thinking it made me *a better person* for choosing it. Admittedly, my motivation for declaring that I forgive was based on wanting to appear and be, grow up.

And yet, I was still a hurting child who needed time to grow in the space of living.

For years I didn't understand the importance in, and the reasons for, deliberately choosing forgiveness--how forgiving gives *freedom* for living in grace.

I now See, there's a difference between truth and feelings.

Though one day in my adult years I came face-to-face with the word that aptly described my feelings--Abandoned--I now See that I never was.

I *felt* abandoned, but the truth is that my father didn't ever abandon me. 

His heart remained attached to mine. I trust he sought God on my behalf. He ached for the strain in our relationship, and likely still does.

There are things we just don't talk about. And there are months when we don't talk at all.

But truth speaks in my heart: I wasn't abandoned, I only felt it. 

It's good to find those feelings--to call them out, naming them and giving yourself permission to feel.

When we See the truth as different, it frees us to let those feelings *rest.* The feelings might never disappear, but they rest more comfortably in the realization that there is more to the story, and All. Is. For. Purpose. 

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