Why I Blog (a guest post)

I am pleased to feature a guest writer in this space today, a woman who is still learning what it means to live in *Freedom*--trusting in God's Grace. 

Stories in Caryn Poling's life give evidence that He uses All. For. Purpose. 

His Grace is wider than we could ever imagine, and when we catch glimpses of His Amazing Hand in our lives, we're unwrapping miracles of hope. 

I appreciate Caryn's story-telling today, the courage she has been given, and the faithfulness of Our Father. Might this speak to your heart... 

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A Guest Post by Caryn Poling, writer of A Disposable Woman

When Amy invited me to guest post she asked a question, “How has Grace showed up in your life to live in freedom--what does *Freedom* look like for you?”

As I thought and prayed about this what kept coming to mind is “Why I Blog.”  

I have always enjoyed writing, putting word to paper.  

At one time in my life I had the thought of writing fiction. I even started a book once, but never got past the second chapter. I did, however, write a children’s story, but that was accidentally deleted. That in a nutshell was my writing career.

Until I blogged.

In early 2010, I went through some changes and I was having what felt like a mid-life crisis of sorts. I had started back to school and changed jobs. To top that off, my daughter--who is in the Navy--was newly married, and stationed in San Diego. My parents, who always lived now more than a mile or two away, were suddenly living 50 miles away from me.

Even though I was a believer at the time, I was living my life on my own terms--I didn’t need Anyone.

I decided that the *fix to all of this,* I would to find a man and get married.

I joined a popular online dating service, and all I found were guys that loved to give compliments and were mostly after one-thing. I was sad, lonely and a bit depressed, so all those compliments were music to my ears, as I was also very self-conscience of my appearance and weight. 

Attention from men made me feel good, but that was not what I needed. Attention didn't fill the hole in me. School didn't fill the hole. Work didn't fill the hole.

I did some really dumb things early that year--one was quitting my job with out finding another.

On Palm Sunday of 2010, I went to church and I gave my life back to God. And everything has been *wonderful and rosy.*

Hardly. 

To put it plainly--I was a mess, and I still am.

Even though I was in school and had home work, it did not take that much time. I was board out of my mind. I was not working, and I couldn't find a job. 

I also had guilt and regret--a past I could not get past. 

God put the thought of a blog on my heart. Gently, He gave me the title through a Max Lucado book. My first post was written in my head weeks before it hit the computer screen.

None of this made any sense to me at the time. Why on earth would I want to put my life’s mess out there for someone to read? And then I thought, No one is going to read this, so why not.  But just in case someone did, I kept it anonymous--no name and no pictures.

On May 7, 2010, *A Disposable Woman* appeared in bloggy world. 

With each post, I felt a release--I started to understand grace, and I started to see His Hand more, and more in my life.

As the year went on, my posts became less about me and what I had done, and more about Him and what He was doing.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. (Psalm 139:14-15-NIV)

God made me--He knows me better than I know myself.

He knew that by sharing my story I would find forgiveness and freedom from my past. You see, I could not see or understand grace until I could forgive myself.   

The first comment I received on a blog post really scared my out of my socks--some one was reading this! It read…

  “I have read just a few of your early, first blog posts. Boy can I relate. My stories of being disposed of started at 14. I have always blamed myself. I praise God for His protection through many dangerous situations I got myself into. My heart so connects to yours. I just want you to know you are not alone.”

And, just recently I received an email that said…

“…found your blog and I was so set *free* by what you had written! I give Jesus all the Glory and Praise for setting me free today...through the words He gave you to share for others and me on your Blog today, and everyday!”

I wept uncontrollably.

I could never have guessed that my life--my story--could be used this way.

All my days I want to follow Him, Jesus, Lover of my Soul!

I have just within the past couple of months claimed my blog--added a name and a face. I wanted all the Glory to go to God, and that was my excuse to be nameless and faceless, but the truth was, I was still ashamed.

There is no reason for shame. 

I am free.
I am forgiven.
I have Grace.

A very smart man said to me recently, “It’s not where you’ve been, but where you’re going that’s important.”

That’s Freedom!

  

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