I wholeheartedly believe that God charged me with a vision that is beyond my capacity, though is something that I need to step into with bold, confident, trust. I believe He called me to lead a team around a God-sized dream that will: unleash and empower men and women to freely live their uniquely created lives.
Fear asks me if I have heard Him correctly. Given my humanness and that I am prone to be wrong, I know it's it's possible that I am. Yet, I ache to see this vision come to be, considering its impact. I am humbled and awed, though fear fires questions at me.
It's sometimes so ridiculously hard to believe He wants to use me, as I am. Deeply buried fears say I am too much and not enough at the same time, and that someday everyone, including God, might simply have enough of me.
Regardless of how I feel, God wants me to live, as I am . . . trusting Him for my story, regardless of fear.
Deciding I'm not good enough for my dream suggests that He made a mistake with me. I worship Him when I serve Him and that means obeying what I understand He's called me to do . . . simply, swiftly, and surrendered . . . whether I think He's equipped me appropriately.
learning to trust Him
These days find me doing things that have been incredibly difficult for me. I've been completing a manuscript on a book I felt led to write, and I've begun lifting up the tent flaps to let people into my world. Another one of those thing is pulling the chairs up to the table and casting an invitation for people to join us on this journey of pursuing hope for this God-sized dream of: C'est La Vie: The Magazine.
It's more important for me to pay attention to the vision God gave me than wait around for fear to leave or my questions to be answered.
Even if these dreams don't cascade as I imagine they might, doesn't mean that my time spent on them is meaningless.
I can trust that He wants me to LIVE and that means to explore and try and take risks. Feeling vulnerable is scary, though it's exactly the feeling He uses to remind us of our needs. Try as we might to control our discomfort by containing our inefficiencies or clawing for answers to all our questions, we simply won't ever have 100% comfort as long as we're human.
I've wrestled my worth and made expectations of myself based on one voice, the voice that has made the doing such a challenge. I am learning that we won't ever arrive at full peace as long as we're this side of Heaven. We won't 100% accept our humanness, either. Our lives will continue to be a wrestle of wills and a constant need to be hooked up to God, our steady IV drip of truth Who is far more powerful than any answers ever could be.
a God-sized dream
Every choice has a consequence and the mistakes we've made in misplacing or misguiding or mismanaging our days leaves us a little cautious to take on anything new sometimes. At least, that's the way it is for me in all my try-hard way of living that wants to do each day better than the last one.
Most of us have enough in our lives to make us feel filled to the brim. But, God is in the business of stretching us. He expands our territory without our permission and wants us to be a part of something amazing whether we want to or not. He wrote the main point of the story of our life and says we'll get there one way or another -- either by His way or our way, but that ultimately we will get there.
If we avoid the first call, God will give us another. He doesn't give up on us.
Life is hard. Sometimes it's so hard that I want to find any way to relieve the pressure. Sometimes it means I want to give up even the dreams. It's hard to be patient. It's hard to live by faith. Yet, I can't not abide here. If I want life, I simply must trust Him.
Counter intuitive to what I sometimes imagine will be the case, peace comes in the surrender of my comfort and my submission to faith. I can trust that God allows me to creatively explore visions with freedom and I can rest in wondering if my thought and attention is a waste of time.
This ultimate God-sized dream is a place where men and women come to the table sharing their raw, gritty, real human selves, and remember the truth that says: "you aren't alone."
building a tribe
Fear tells me that I won't be understood and that these dreams are impractical, irrational, and that I don't have an iota of experience for them. Truth tells me that dreams matter, even though I can't fully understand them.
God provides community to help sift and sort my ideas for appropriateness and applicability. He deliberately weaves my imperfections with those of others so that together we can experience His amazing grace by doing truly amazing things.
I'm building a tribe to join me in pursuing this crazy, God-sized dream . . .
A tribe who is willing to explore and pursue hope with me . . . who believes faith is the main thing and fear is meant to be a silent partner.
=> Does your heart swell and beat faster and your palms itch to be a part of bringing people to the table, holding their hand with encouragement, and tell them that they aren't alone?
=> Do you ache to tell the story of redemption that comes through ridiculous pain because you know there is purpose?
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Stay tuned in the coming days . . .
More information will come your way letting you know how you can declare your interest in being part of the tribe developing C'est La Vie: The Magazine.
In the mean time:
CONSIDER :: Is there an invitation that He delivered to your heart that you've been contemplating or even ignoring? Have you said, "Yes, but . . . " in assumption that you know better?
CHOOSE :: I encourage you to unbury, untether, unbind all that limits you from boldly stepping up to that God-sized dream in faith. Choose to loose the questions and trust that He will equip you and guide you by His grace.
COMMUNE :: Make your worship your willingness, in spite of the worry and wonder. An obedient heart enables us to better serve Him.