But I'd been exposed.
Sitting there in a Management Roundtable meeting with other professionals where I work, all of us *willing* to be honest about our challenges as *managers*, she called out my insecurities.
"You think too much."
And it stung. Those words and that truth.
She was right.
I do think too much.
Wounds have made me timid.
People have misunderstood the intentions of my heart.
And confidence has been a hard reach.
I've struggled to live my place in this world.
Where He calls me to be different. Just as He calls you.
...To live our unique.
I apologized for being so intense and was met with warm, kind assurance of who I am.
It was almost hard to see, but it was there.
A steady, calm, affirmation that I needn't apologize.
Her words spoke to my heart that I am so much more than I see.
"What if you start just being You?"
Embarrassed that it's taken me this long to make that choice, I reel in defense.
But I have!
And yet, I haven't. Not there. Not at work. Not with those people. And really, not in real life.
What if I start? With no apologies.
To step out and be *Me.*
In the Real living. Not just here.
With my colleagues.
And my neighbors.
And with church goers where we've started attending.
And parents of children my child attends school with.
So I jotted down the address to where my writing can be found. And without thinking, I handed her the card. I still wonder what she thinks. She, a Communications expert in our division, and me, a communications-wannabe.
It's a gift for her telling. For that stinging.
Enough of the questioning why I do what I do, or why I am who I am. Enough of the defending.
He wants me to live unapologetically.
It's His challenge to me. An invitation for Real.
And so I breathe. Raw. And yet, a little bit more free.