why I got my belly pierced {again}

For a long time now I've struggled with staying put.

I've straggled too far into dreamed up tomorrow's. 

Seven-plus years into being a momma and what I've been given hasn't been enough.

I've longed for more.

I've ached for what I believe my heart desires. 

I've wondered the size our family will be.

All the time I've pondered the future and never gained a minute of insight about it. The compulsion to know evaded me.

No matter how many times I speak my wonder aloud, precise clarity of vision hasn't come to me.

Staying in the here and now moments of today hasn't been something I've done particularly well.

Friends have known my struggles. Strangers, too.
Because I can't help myself from telling how I ache.

At what feels like *Suddenly*, I've decided to lay it all down. Again.

And so, I got my belly pierced.

This time, I'm 17 years older.

This time, it's evidence of my trust more than proof of my pride. 

I'm overwhelmed by how my groom makes me feel so beautiful by the way he looks at me. And how I {finally} believe him.

So, for him, and for Him, and for me--I decide to adorn the area of my body where I hold in wonder for what may grow again.

Where a nine-plus-pound baby boy stretched taut all those years ago.

And where intimate moments ignite, and doubt dissolves.

This choice to pierce is my sacrifice.

My worship in choosing Today.

My worship in choosing to trust. 

It's a representation of my hope in something different.

Something that seems so impossible. And yet isn't.

I don't know if we will have another child of our own someday.
Or, if we'll adopt one into our own.

What I do know is the importance of choosing--
     Worship over whine.
          Gratitude over grief.
               Wonder over worry.

I know the freedom that comes in choosing to surrender into Now. 

I believe in these wild and crazy dreams of different over common.
I believe they are meant for me.

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