Monday, May 14, 2012

learning trust

Motherhood is teaching me so many meaningful lessons.

Perhaps the most important stretching for me has been in *surrendering control.*

There was a point in my young years of motherhood when I began to question what if, as it related to my son's life.

Simple questioning ignited awareness of possibilities.
Fear was provoked and roared in my heart like raging fire.

As I imagined the worst, my muscles seized with tension.
Muscles tight with Hope. Vision. Expectancy.

*Control* masquerades as good parenting

I began to realize that what I want might not be what He wants for my son's story. Awareness led me to loosen.

More often my prayer became less of me, more of you.

Over time, my muscles became stronger. More able to relax into Today.

When muscles are tense for so long it becomes impossible to control, even when it feels otherwise. The reality of this overwhelms me.

Through the tightening of my muscles to cling onto my boy's story as tightly as I could, I realized my weakness. I am not a superhero.

I needed Him to loosen my grip and strengthen where I am weak. 

Surrendering the present and future of my son's life was what became necessary for me to become stronger.

I had to die to my own abilities in order to trust Him.

My muscles are still being strengthened with my exercise in faith. I still struggle to loosen the grip.

Now, when I think of my greatest fears, I am able to immediately to believe that All. Is. For. Purpose.

He will purpose whatever happens in our story.
And goodness will come of it when we seek Him.

I see this unfold in my life and in so many lives around me.

Beauty from ashes. Life from death. Radiant colors from the darkest days.

I can trust. 

And when I don't--when I struggle to let His will be done--I'm choosing gratitude. Because, it's one more chisel at my pride and one more moment of awareness that I still need Him.

Thank you, Father, that you don't ever stop growing us. 


{Grace} Unwrapped... moment {of trusting} at a time strengthens faith...

...a vision for the value of every moment... mothering breaks my idol self to pieces...

...who I am becoming, and how I never imagined myself to be who I am...

...the peace that comes when I choose to trust...

...realizing my own doubts and uncertainties...

...the certainty that He is near, even when my feelings tell me differently...

...seeing beauty from ashes in stories all around me...

...a passion to share this beauty with the world...


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  1. Letting go of control is one of the most difficult acts of motherhood, isn't it? We know, we KNOW that we are not the ones in charge. But to live it? That is an act of trust that takes all our strength.

    I am so thankful my son was a preemie. I had to leave him in the hospital, in the care of nurses, before I ever brought him home to care for him myself. This was such a valuable lesson in trust and letting go of control. I believe it has shaped my parenting in powerful ways. Even so, it is a lesson I need to re-learn on a regular basis.

  2. yes yes yes, how He breaks us into a million pieces as mothers, that we might look more and more like Him. Beatiful truth here, Amy. I don't look anything like "who" i thought I would..... praise Jesus. His version of me, is so much better than my own.

  3. Beautiful post. So many wonderful gifts! The peace that comes when I choose to trust... YES!! :)

  4. How great that the Lord is teaching this early on to you! As a mother who has two grown daughters it is amazing to watch how God has had a very different path for each of them and it isn't necessarily what I would have chosen for them. He loves our children even more than us and continues to teach us even after they are grown. What a beautiful list you have today in addition to your heart felt post!

  5. *Control* masquerades as good parenting. yes it does...and trust is a life long journey as a parent...and nothing breaks us and rebuilds us like parenting...always love your honesty here...blessings to you~

  6. Thank you for this beautifully written piece. I struggle so much with wanting to control every little aspect of life. But really I can only control how I act and behave.

  7. Good Evenin' Amy,
    My name is Amy, and this is my first time finding your blog! :) I loved your line "control masquerades as good parenting"... that can be so true. My hearts prayer is to continue to learn how to rest in God for all things... even my little ones. ~ Blessings sister, Amy Alves