Frustrations and resentment followed us there.
After more than 11 years of marriage, words aren't always necessary.
Our spirits speak.
He admits fear and perhaps even jealousy at the community I've enveloped through writing.
Who he is to me--his identity--is a question that begins to dance across my heart. I feel insulted at what he implies.
The social media outlets and connections keep him edgy.
He feels disconnected.
I realize how purpose-filled I feel in this community and how I often wish he knew more.
I admit that I haven't included him as much as I could.
I long for him to be engaged in my excitement.
I begin to share. At first with timidity. And then, sudden excitement bursts forth with great confidence and peace.
I've been led to this community for purpose. I must share this joy.
Names of blogging friends escape my mouth with enthusiasm.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude at the gifts to know these women.
Claire. Emily. Lisa-Jo. Kris. Deidra. Ann. Salsa chic. And so many more.
I tell him about dreams we make together and how He knits us together through them.
Places like (in)courage and The High Calling where I've connected with souls. For purpose.
I tell him that I am noticed there. That it doesn't replace Home and family noticing me. But that engaging in these places is a prompting I cannot help. Connections are made that keeps my identity real and alive.
Awakening in the morning I feel a bit of a hangover hovering between us. Trepidation to trust.
I lift his identity up. And mine. And all those around us. I give thanks, because gratitude truly does change every. thing.
Remembering our identities are sealed in His plans, allows Peace to quiet the fear that tells us otherwise. And courage to trust.
Today's post is part of my friend, Lisa-Jo's fun challenge each Friday to
"Write for five, short, bold beautiful minutes...
Unscripted and unedited...
Without worrying if it's just right or not."
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so glad you were my "neighbour" today
ReplyDeletesuch a heart pouring...love the last line! it is in Him that our identities are sealed!
blessings
oh...i pray for Grace to fill the space between...I always love your honesty here. hope you mother’s day weekend if full:)
ReplyDeleteThis is important to explore and to share--I hope that your excitement translates to fun and joy in your marriage, and that somehow it brings the two of your closer as he sees the way it fills you and affirms you and reaches a part of you that would otherwise lie dormant. As you are energized, I hope that your marriage is energized.
ReplyDeleteAnd...I'm glad to be connected in a small way by being part of one of our communities. :)
it really is hard to include family, friends and especially my husband in this world we have here online. I too love the media outlet and the community I've found here. Thankfully, my husband patiently listens and even makes his way to read my blog sometimes. lol I loved what you had to say in your post.
ReplyDeleteRaw. Honest. Beautiful. Full of purpose and grace. Thank you. May God bountifully bless you and yours!
ReplyDeleteSo well written and poignant! I can relate to this. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteOh Amy. I hear your heart so clearly here, and would by lying if I didn't admit to having some of the same struggles on occasion... Praying for you, praying for this season you're in, God grant you two with sweet communion together, that perhaps you mare share in the dream, share in the joy, and be mutually blessed through the feeding of souls that happens in this weird internet space. I AM PRAYING. XO
ReplyDeleteI totally get what you are saying. My husband doesn't quite get it either. And when people ask me how I have time to blog...my response is that you make time for what you love and what works for you. I feel more than a mom and a wife when I can dispel my thoughts into these spaces...white and empty. Maybe they'll get it.:)
ReplyDelete