The very aspect of my job that is so hard to accept, that which tempts me toward guilt--every. time...
It's the very thing that might {perhaps} make me a better mother.
Could it possibly?
Having a job that takes me away from my family, alone on long car rides and hotel rooms every other week, I learn dependance on Him.
I learn to trust my groom for his capability at raising our Boy-Man.
I learn to trust in God's protection over me, and them.
I learn to trust that even if He allows me to get hurt (or worse), that it's okay.
I learn to trust No. Matter. What.
I learn that I am not Every. Thing.
I learn that separation is okay.
I learn to accept truth--
that this traveling doesn't make me less of a mother.
I learn to daily remember what this parenting thing is about, and early on develop an awareness that it's wings we're growing.
The Boy-Man will leave one day and we won't just get all suited up for
the occasion and see him off. We prepare for that day even today, a
celebration in our daily living.
I learn to accept my groom for who he is right now. And I fall in love with our life all over again--for our choices of different.
I learn that our life is to be a Light. It's our purpose. And that the details of my living, as uncomfortable or unsettling as they sometimes are, they are Purpose. Full.
I learn to choose courage to trust in this.
On those road trips He becomes the Daddy I never had.
He guides me. Always speaks.
I listen to Him. Attentively.
This time away becomes *Me Time*--exclusively reserved and secretly coveted. I cringe if anyone else joins me, for this becomes sacred.
Driving for hours becomes nourishment. I don't rely on it and I whine about every trip, yet once I get in the car it's all Him, all the way.
And so, this very aspect that has a high ratio of guilt...I now See it as the aspect of Grace.
I am better for this. Because of this. In spite of this.
_________________________________________________
{Grace} Unwrapped...
...for the way He leads me to See purpose...
...for the hard choosing of Grace...
...for Skype that keeps us connected...
...for how re-entry back home isn't as challenging as it once was...
...the long hugs that admit our missing of each other...
...how I understand the Boy on the phone now...
...the way Home comforts me...
...planning my own travel schedule...
...the times I arrive home before the school bus, or just as it's arriving!...
...the Rest on the drive...
...and perspective...
...time to shop for me in between meetings, and sales!...
...bluetooth and time to catch up with a friend...
...experience in navigating and coordinating schedules...
...how leaving is still so hard, but the traveling part so much easier...
...for a job that takes me places to See.
A beuatiful way of seeing it, choosing to see the grace in the challenges of a job, of being a wife, and a mother- The balance of it all is always topsy-turvey here and we find ways to count the grace, which sustains us as we walk the tight-rope again and again...
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post and beautiful list! I love skype too. Long hugs are the best. Perspective... what a gift perspective is. It can change so much!
ReplyDeleteI just popped over from Gypsy Mama. Hope getting a new guest makes your world feel bigger :)
ReplyDeleteI love this post. I am currently a stay at home mom, but was a working mom for the first 4 years of my kids' lives. I would be now, too, except that we are in transition.
Though I am enjoying my time at home now, I think my time working did make me a better mom. I needed a way to be me, not just mom me. In many ways, that helped me be mom me when I was home. I didn't travel, though, I'm guessing that has its own set of challenges. I love the way you are seeing a positive effect on trusting your husband to be a father. Sometimes I notice more of a hover tendency with my husband than with my kids.
i know i'm a little late here, but found this post and it really spoke to me this day. many words of encouragement found within.
ReplyDeletethank you for the sharing.
steph