counting the cost of Risk

Many people get tired of doing the job they're doing and decide to look elsewhere.

Understandable motives inspire change:

     Searching for happiness masked as *Job. Satisfaction.*
     A genuine desire to work in the strengths-zone more of the time.

Books upon books applaud risk taking and making a change.

I used to think that not taking a risk was a sign of weakness.

Until today.

I thought that it was necessary to survey a cliff and jump bravely.

I still believe risk taking is important. Only, sometimes. Not always.

I used to think that taking a risk was a sign of living. 

Until today I had never really considered how it takes a whole lot more effort to make a different kind of decision:

To stay the course and not venture off the path of Now.

Staying isn't a sign of weakness. 

It's commitment.
It's loyalty.

It's a belief in *purpose* for Now, and a choosing of courage to trust. 

Staying is sometimes beautiful worship.

Defining myself, I often say I'm a visionary. And it's true, I am.
Hope isn't small for a heart like mine who dreams big.
Truth is, I'm sometimes a reactionary disguised as visionary.

I'm often discontent with Now.

Anxious for something Different, too often I am not willing to trust there is purpose here.

I react to situations around me and make decisions in haste based on my discomfort, frustration or angst.

I talk about how there's purpose in everything and I believe it to be true.

Often, I am quick to move on to the next thing, consuming whatever I can to make myself feel good all along the way. Praise...Promotion...Pride...

Feelings aren't enough to change course. 
They are just a part of the course. 

Sometimes risk is necessary.
And yet, sometimes risk is too big for me to even consider...
     even if my feeling have been hurt and my confidence crushed.

Sometimes saying "No" to risk is what is most necessary for my story.

Maturity and real growing-up sometimes requires grits to stay the course--
--to press on until the day when you're called to a different course;
not the day you just decide on Different because of boredom or frustration.

It's hard to realize this.
It's hard to accept it as truth.
It's hard to lay down my plans, buck up and invest myself in the Now, fully.

Considering what might be on the other side of Now is a risk.
And truth is, the grass isn't always greener.

Satisfaction is often times found more fully in the staying.
   
It is here where growing is sometimes most profound and our most meaningful experiences birthed.

# # #

I'm on a journey of 
discovering a few things about myself 
and evaluating my career. 

*This* is a difficult and painful journey for me. 

A necessary one. 

Growing up requires me to think outside of myself. 

I'm doing a whole lot of growing up 
and it requires that I surrender 
and sacrifice. 

Asking questions...

Giving myself grace to feel...

Choosing gratitude for Now...

It's where I am--trusting in today, 

     and the vivid colors of tomorrow. 


[Comments are back in this space where I needed it quiet for a time.]

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