seven years in

Who I thought I was, and who I thought I should be, have been completely transformed.

It took the first two years of his life for me to settle into what being a Momma means. Finally, I surrendered my Superwoman expectations that only I put on myself.

Now, seven years in, my eyes are open and my vision clear(er) to how male's were created to be. I understand my groom more by the lessons our child provides me.

This Boy-Man forgives quickly and dwells not.
He moves always and slows only at bed time.
He's helpful and appreciates structure.
A rule follower, he's learning to test his boundaries; driving me crazy and testing me, always.

Like me, he runs his mouth, complains, and longs for attention.
And like me, he sings with joy and dances in freedom.
Music is a reflection of his our heart.

Seven years in, I am Seeing that I don't know what's best, and I carry with me many fears. I teeter in my confidence and can do nothing but seek my Father for His leading.

I trust that I was chosen for *this role* and breathe--moment by blessed moment. 

Fears he'll live my pain are my constant companion.
And I surrender, believing his story is different because he is different.
We are uniquely created individuals; not the same.

Sensitive, shy and learning to speak his mind, this boy will one day grow into a man and I wonder what he'll be like. Already, this child has solid character and integrity. He'll evolve as the seasons pass, becoming more of what God intends of him.

Fears we'll only have him for a short while, keep me grounded on Today and grateful for the purposes he lives Now.

Seven years in, I am astounded at how I've grown and selfishly I see it being all about me. 

God has provided and He has this boy's back.

I slip up every day and lack, immensely, the ability to make him do as I say. And I remember it doesn't matter, and that's not what it's about.
When I scream or shout and crush his heart, my Our Father keeps him strong and fills the gap between my selfish pride, control, fear and Love.

He's my joy, this boy.

The way he loves without conditions brings me to my knees in gratefulness. I pray, Lord keep him close to choosing forgiveness and give him freedom to love fully. Give me your courage and Grace. Might I honor you in all I learn and in the ways I grow in this. 
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Happy Birthday, peanut-butter!

You turn Seven tomorrow--already! And while it seems *just like yesterday* that you were born, I can hardly picture our life before you joined in.

You are sweet and such a delight. You are special in every way!

I love you and will always be here for you.

Love, Momma
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