Tuesday, September 6, 2011

A delightful surprise {of a friendship}

For years I stumbled about--trying to be who I thought would make her the happiest
She had a hard road in regaining custody of me as a child, and I saw it a challenge to protect her from further angst. As a good girl, I would bring her the most gladness and peace. I would follow her rules and be sure to stay out of trouble.
Compliant and controlled, I seemed to succeed in making her proud...until my *rule following* and safety precautions failed. 
What wasn't supposed to happen to me, did. I disappointed her.
The doors to my home and her heart were closing--soon I would be locked out. There was only one decision to make: in my needing her, I chose what she thought was best for me. Worried I’d lose her forever, and without a spark of an idea how to live for myself, I chose her way
I found myself despising my mother--she became the *shackles* I allowed to lock me into approval-seeking. I had forfeited Me for Her.
Never absolutely sure of what it is she wanted of me, I’d fumble in the dark of my assumptions and fail in my attempts at making her happy. 
Resentment became my middle name. 
For years I questioned, Who am I supposed to be? I would look at everyone around me for approval and direction. I blamed my mother for all of this. 
I never could’ve imagined that I would grow up and unwrap the gift of *friendship* with my mother. 

My mom is my biggest fan--encouraging me, inspiring me to grow, and challenging me to be myself. Most importantly, we both have grown to give each other space to live our own stories.

What a delightful surprise.

This. Is. Grace. 

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1 comment:

  1. Oh wow, the redemptive power of the Lord. So thankful for this touch of grace on your life.