I read aloud to my mom in the kitchen as she irons her clothes for the next day. Essays. I like to hear my thoughts sprawled out on paper.
Creative writing was my thing back then. The teacher would give us a handful of title's to select from and we'd choose one to write a story off from. Just a single line or statement.
I'd write from anything and make it something. Carrying it into a made-up world.
Fast forward several years. I work at a college. One of the top 10% in the U.S. of private institutions. And my writing is extinguished.
I am not good enough. I didn't go to a good enough school. I don't measure up.
Somehow (because of Grace), comments about my writing from high school English teachers follow me - encourage me - and it doesn't make sense to me.
I crave telling stories.
For years I keep journals of my prayers and thoughts. Not a daily diary-type of journal. But a journal.
I find healing in writing.
I learn that telling the true stories - the ones that need to be told - brings me to freedom.
My writing becomes alive again.
This time I write more publicly. I discover a community of on line writers called bloggers. I create my own blog. I redesign it a few times until it resembles the place where my heart shows the most.
I write about grace and freedom through my living.
I want to please everyone. I don't want anyone mad at me. I am afraid people will leave me - abandon me as a friend or even a member of my family. That I'll be disowned. I'm afraid they'll decide I'm too over-the-top, too pollyanna-like, too unforgiving, simply too much.
I'm afraid the whole I time I write truth.
Afraid I'm not strong enough to fight other people's anger for the truth-telling.
Anne Lamott says this: "Risk being unliked. Tell the truth as you understand it. If you're a writer, you have a moral obligation to do this. And it is a revolutionary act - truth is always subversive."
I am learning that to tell true stories, *risk* is required.
*Risk* sounds exciting and appeals to me. And still, I'm afraid the whole time I write about these true stories.
Writing about my heart is almost too much of a risk and every day I am tempted to quit. Yet, like water, I can't get enough.
I must write. I crave it. My mind doesn't rest and knows the power in sharing.
There is power in the true stories of living.
And so I trust - All is Grace. Truly - all.