Hiding

For years I thought I was just trying to figure it all out. In my attempts to figure it all out I was actually seeking perfection. I thought that I had to master everything, one at a time, in order to show and prove that I really was digesting this God-stuff, and that I really did care about developing myself. I focused on growing. I sought after it like it was the chief goal in life. I felt proud for growing. I idolized my own growth and my personal strength to keep on seeking after growth.

Then I realized I was good enough, and that God would do the rest, as my story unfolds.

And I noticed I had been hiding what God intends for my life.

I spent years hiding my own heart’s desire for what I thought my heart’s desire should be, or what I thought other people expected of me. I wasted precious time to harvest what makes up me, and make deposits of my gifts and talents into other people’s lives, and thereby give God glory and honor through my life. I spent so much time and energy focused on my disappointments, my hurts and my failures. By the grace of God I am still here today and was pulled out of the mire and muck that several times nearly became my nemesis.

My Savior is in the business of Resurrection. As my Heavenly Father, it breaks His heart and brings Him to tears when He sees His children pursuing confusion and settling on the wayward life of perfection-seeking. There are times when a father takes his daughter’s hand, draws her close, and just says “Hush, my Beloved.” He settles her heart with His gentleness and grace, and He helps her to see a different way. Through the miraculous she is resurrected. Who she was created to be comes alive again and she is set free and made whole.

This is a part of my story on the path to How Pride Transformed Into Grace.