when living unique is uncomfortable

I tell my groom that I don't always want to be different from every one else.

Sometimes I want to blend in. Be less unique.

But I know that each person was created separate and not at all like another.

Though it may seem as though people fit together better because they appear to be the same, my heart knows that they aren't. Their individual nature still exists.

In my thirties, I still feel left out and schoolgirl-ish. I remember those feelings of way back then and deny their resurrection.

It's true though, I want to hide still today. 

We're not the country club family. Or the multi, multi-sport family.

We don't connect with many people outside ourselves or our little tiny community of close friends and family.

It's sometimes lonely to live our story. 

Our son dreams of what it could be like with multiple siblings. And I wonder if we'll always be just three.

Just deciding to do what we want or what every one else seems to be doing isn't for us. It doesn't feel right.

And that's where I am reminded that we're unique. Every one of us.

It's not always comfortable to do what is most right for ourselves. In fact, often it's incredibly uncomfortable.
Yet, we know that it would feel even more uncomfortable if we denied the tug inside us to be different from her or them.

We honor Him who created us when we don't try to blend in. 

We respect our Father when we obey the inkling He speaks to our heart to choose different.

We challenge others to see Him when we live by faith and trust that our uniqueness is for purpose.

It's not easy to live this way. For many it's not something they are willing to do, though I would reckon to say that every single one of us faces this dilemma quite often.

Choose to be unique me...or get tripped up by trying to be someone who I am not. 

He allows this struggle, even as we age, for our pride to succumb to our need for Him. 

Age tends to bolster pride in ourselves, our abilities, our knowledge.

He calls us to be like children who listen to their Father and trust.

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living gratefully :: character

There's balance found in the relationship my groom and I share together.

I ventured out late in my high school years and into my college years. I tried new things and looked for acceptance in the blending in with the choice activities of most teenagers. I failed miserably at trying to be someone who I was never meant to be. Yet, I See the good in that trying, as risky as it was. And I also see my Father's protection.

Conversely, my groom followed the rules; though, for him there weren't many. He was actually encouraged to try different things and be like the others, when maybe the person encouraging should have supported his wisdom. He knew who he was. For him, maybe he was trying to blend in with the right crowd and not the ones who would bring him down. Whatever his reasons, His Father has made good out of them.

I could feel badly about the choices I made. And I have. Looking at my groom I've wallowed in pity over not staying true to myself way back then. I knew who I was and I didn't trust in the purposes of my own life.

What I choose to do now is trust 
     ...that there is purpose in the freedom of our choices. 
      ...that our marriage is blessed from our differences.

On either side of our choices there is our own individual character. The raw, authentic, real parts of ourselves can never be extinguished or dissolve away and our uniqueness is necessary for our togetherness.

Thank you, Father, for helping me to See the purpose in our uniqueness. 
For our character, I give thanks. And this is my worship.
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Five Minute Friday :: ordinary...

It's Friday and a fun one for me--I became a Momma seven years ago today; seven on the Seventh. As I often do on these days, I seek Freedom in just Five Minutes. No edits. No worries (though I don't usually). Just. Write. Care to join me? Grab a paper napkin or the back of a bill statement, or even cozy up in your own corner of the web world.

Take. Five. {and} Write. Free.

Ordinary

For years I felt nothing special about myself. Just. Average.

Height. Weight. Looks. Academics.

All just average.

I made a friend in a land where we lived for two brief, yet very important years, and she made me See that I'm not ordinary.

Unique is all of us. And I tell this to my just-turned-seven-year-old. This Boy-Man who will someday perhaps be a father of his own little ones; he needs to know that he's far from average.

As I speak truth into his ear and whisper purpose into his mind, I dare to believe it for myself.

Far from ordinary.

Each day, what takes our breath away and ignites a passion in our heart--it's different for each one of us. And in those fiery rock star moments when Joy is splashed all out on stage by the way we live, we're an advertisement for uniqueness.

There's purpose in our differences.

It's important that there's no ordinary in people. God designed Different.

And it's true. There really isn't ordinary when it comes to God's creation. Because, we all have this incredible possibility of changing the world just by our unique *One Thing.*

I dare you to see yourself as anything but ordinary. Because, You. Are. More.
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