Thursday, January 26, 2012

the importance of evaluating your days

I've been asking myself a lot of questions lately.

Questions have prompted me to think about the work I do each day.

Frustrations have bubbled up, and angst, too.

In the bending low to ask, I've felt the ache for Different. 

I've been reminded of the more of me that has yet to be a part of the *whirl and twirl* of life. I've had a glimpse of how expansive my heart is and how it was deliberately created that way.

Asking sometimes hurts. 

Because, it makes me evaluate the choices I make. And in the evaluating, it births responsibility to make a decision--stay the course, or venture off.

Neither is wrong.
But, one might be better for me than another right now.

Often times life is such that we don't make an investment in time to press pause and evaluate. 

Excuses pile up not to, and before we know it we have a stack of calendars that equate time we've spent without deliberate, focused attention. We feel angst and we can't quite figure out why, or whether our feelings are even valid.

Part of growing up is realizing that we don't always get what we want, we might (often times) feel uncomfortable or discouraged, and it might be necessary to keep doing what we might not want to be doing.

Maturity is making deliberate decisions because they are good for our {unique} story.

It's believing in what we're doing Now, for purpose.

And, maturity is knowing when it's time for Different.

It's been painful to ask myself questions about the job I do.

Asking has helped me to weed out the daily, weekly and monthly complaints and decide that they really don't matter enough {right now} to accept the risks associated with different.

Asking has helped me to focus on *why* I chose this.

Asking has reminded me that though where I am now isn't exclusively a result of my planning, I can trust there is purpose in this.

Asking has helped me to realize that I don't even know what I want anyway, and my plans could very well ensue chaos.

If it were up to me I'd miss out on a lot of good that comes out of the grit of this story. I might miss out on learning and growing.

I'd avoid the uncomfortable conversations that have helped me to see a different perspective.

I'd avoid the traveling that has counter-intuitively helped me to be the mother (and person) I am.

I'd avoid the dysfunctional office that has helped me to choose grace.

Evaluating the choices I've made for the days I live has given me Peace for the staying, and Trust in the purpose.

It is refreshing to evaluate. 

Perhaps nothing will change. And perhaps everything will.

It's worth the investment to press pause, be still and ask.


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