Monday, December 2, 2013


Easier isn't always better. 
In fact, what may appear to be easier, often times most certainly isn't. 

I hadn't quite grabbed ahold of this truth with a firm grip of acceptance until this past week when my Father in Heaven settled this deep into my heart.

For so long I have impulsively urged (actually urged) my groom to do what I insisted was better for him. Out of anger with myself for not ever being how I thought I should be, I would unabashedly resign him from his heroic and obligatory duty, granting him "permission" to leave me, as his bride.

I always saw my groom as perfectly good and me as never [good] enough.

It was my focused mission to make his life easier and better, because I can tend to cause him frustration and tight, knotted-up muscles.

Really though, quitting wouldn't be making it easier or better and actually, it'd make it much worse.

I do that a lot, I recall: try to undo what's been done, and instead make tangled-up knots even more tangled.

It's shame that tells me to atone. 
     I don't leave well enough alone. 

I needed Truth to detach the crusted-over habit from the rim of my heart that told me I wasn't good enough. And now I can see that I was chosen -- to be my groom's wife -- just as I am.

I'm still learning about grace and how beauty is made in the messy place.

: : : 

Folks are doing a lot of talking about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and I hear the snake-like-sneer to not to be one more voice just like all the rest. But, I must tell the truth that needs to be told -- how her story still influences mine.

I picture Mary resigning in a way so much differently than I've ever defined the word to be.

Found out to be pregnant, though not because of anything she has done, Mary and Joseph now have a Royal mess.

We hear about Mary's acceptance of God's will, but I imagine it wasn't as easy as we read. 

I imagine a conflict of heart, a collision of two wants; disappointment and shame, and the temptation to blame. I picture Mary eventually falling on her knees, as she resigns to truth that she cannot fix what has happened; a process of accepting that she has been chosen, and that Joseph was, too -- just as they were.

There's nothing Mary could do to fix what had already begun. She didn't resign herself from the task, she instead resigned herself to His task.

I didn't think of her right away when my heart was Hand-scrubbed clean this week. But I think of Mary now as I willingly choose to accept that there is purpose in all of this, even the tangled, knotted-up mess.

It is not up to me to "fix" what I break or what I become. 
     I am purposed this way to show how God's work is done.  

Grace tells me I cannot try to make life easier or better for my groom, or for me.

So I resign today to let our togetherness, and me, simply Be. 

this is my worship. 


Share your heart . . . add a comment below.


  1. ah, sweet sister, I am similarly broken, weary of fighting it, and have resigned myself to His Will. You may have struggled with this, but the message was all mine. Thank you for bearing and then baring the burden. He is glorified in your striving, and reading and receiving these words....THIS IS MY Monday morning with coffee WORSHIP, to God be the Glory.
    Peace and good,

  2. "I'm still learning about grace and how beauty is made in the messy place." Praying for the messy places of my heart to show beauty and refinement. what i wouldn't give to watch yucky attitudes, thoughts and even words turn ashes to beauty. I'm encouraged by your words to spend time with the beauty Maker.