Tuesday, March 19, 2013

always

It was rising up within me, a slight panic -- of the darkness.

What was I doing?

Then, just as quickly as noticing the approaching darkness, I was in the throes of that space.

     And it was surprisingly light.

He doesn't condemn my humanness. He allows it.

I was reminded of thoughts I've had lately about temptations and bad behavior.

I thought about how I just want to run away from God when I do bad things. Let shame hide me.

There isn't shouldn't be grace for someone who talks about it and then deliberately does the wrong thing.

     Right? 

But there I was, running around and flirting with the dark.

And all the while God was telling me that He will always be with me.

     There is no true darkness. He is always here, there, everywhere. My Light.

There is enough grace for me, especially in the dark moments of my life.

Just as He knew David would mess up, He still chose him. And He chooses us.

And indeed, He allows all for purpose. Most especially, to draw me ever nearer to His love.


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2 comments:

  1. This post has been resonating with me since yesterday. I think I read it five times already. The parts about bad behavior, temptations, flirting with the dark. After all these years, these things are still a danger for me, and it is comforting to hear someone else actually use these words, action words, not just talking about struggling with sins of the heart and mind, but temptations that can manifest themselves in outward sin. It's there. And it's magnetic. And sometimes I don't want to fight. Am I making any kind of sense?

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    1. You absolutely make sense, Tammy. I appreciate your truthful comment about the struggle. I, too, struggle here. The calling out -- the declaring of what it is -- is a hard admittance, but so necessary. He is nudging me to do more declaring these days. It's a hard obedience, but harder yet not to look at the true *color* of my stuff. He tells me this defining is worship.

      I've struggled with this post. I wrote it to honor Him, and yet I've panicked over my wonder of whether He really did speak this in me and worried a bit about how others would receive these words. Your comment was grace to me and such evidence of His gentle love.)

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