And love wraps His arms around me and shades any doubt I ever had. Covers it.
Feelings of unworthiness. Or forgotten. Or given up on. They flitter away.
Love covers my naked heart standing bare and the beauty of it all is remarkable.
I was anticipated, longed for, and I am remembered.
Thirty-three years ago and a few more children in between, and he still remembers me.
Though I hurt him and hated him and was hurt by him, he remembers his wanting me. I'm astounded at this.
And yet, as a mother I know it to be true. A parent doesn't forget.
It isn't anger or fear or hurt that he shares. It's simply love.
For years my father and I wrestled our disappointment for how things were between us, and we flip-flopped in our want for relationship. We longed for togetherness, yet the hurt was so painful there were times when we almost couldn't stand the thought of one another.
Though I threatened it time and time again, and time and time again I let time and space come between us, I could never truly give up. And neither could he.
When He lives inside of us, He doesn't let us give up --
There is always hope.
What we share as father and daughter might not look like what I always hoped it would. Today I think it's better this way. And therein lies the miracle. The beauty.
The peace between us is hard fought. By Him.
We didn't do anything wrong for all those years to be a battle. It's just how it went.
He has purpose our story. I trust this to be true.
There are miles between us and yet our hearts are close. We share Him. And we see Him in each other.
For years, all I wanted was an apology. And now, all I want is peace. None of what was said or done matters. We're just two imperfect human beings made beautiful.
I prayed He would help me to love him even though I didn't know him.
As it turns out, that prayer changed everything for me.
He showed me His love for me and I saw His love for him.
It's remarkable how He shows up in us.
I wonder how anyone can ever doubt His power when a strangled relationship becomes smooth and peace filled.
When what was once fiercely raging becomes beautiful calm, how an anyone deny Him?
Unwrapping this gift of Grace over and over, and over again. And giving thanks for this life.
And how He makes all things new.
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