I made a comment about how next year I'd like to go away to a beach between December and January, with just a notebook and a pen.
It was a deliberate and specific thought--a grasping for rest and seclusion. An opportunity to just reflect.
It was a thought that a friend responded to with advice, that maybe I should forgo the cookie-making and hire someone to wrap my gifts.
She is right, letting go of some of the items on my To-Do list is good.
But, the struggle I'm feeling isn't with all that I have to do.
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Recently I've talked a lot about one word--See.
It is a word that has described my relationship with God, who I now truly See as my Father. It's a perspective change.
A fantasy-superhero-god becomes a very real, personal being.
A relationship develops.
Sure, I believing in God is critical to receiving peace. But, really Seeing how He is in everything, and how personal He is, that changes so much. It's a steady focusing out the blur that clouds our perspective.
As I've Seen Him and unwrapped His Grace, moment-by-blessed-moment, an aching has overwhelmed me.
I've rested into His presence and received His incredible peace.
And, I've longed for more.
The truth is, we were made for more than this.
More than parents...
More than workers...
More than spouses...
More than givers...
More than accomplished success stories.
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I have watched my son be challenged musically. An appreciation for something has been stretched. He has begun to See how he is capable of so much more than he can imagine.
Sometimes as I See, my pride creeps up and I idolize self.
Though I give thanks to Him and reference the strength He gives, fear that of not being good enough propels me to try even harder than I am expected. Pressure on self becomes my focus.
His peace tells me not to strive so hard--Just. Rest.
In the resting, I thirst for Him more than this world could ever satiate.
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This Christmas season the pretty lights aren't doing it for me. Sure, they are pretty to look at. But, they still leave me with the anxious feeling that a full schedule does to me. Life still goes on this season, as much as I wish it would slow.
I long for slow. I long for true Rest.
He uses the busy to draw me to Him.
I've ached and longed in selfish ways. I've thought about my wish-list and how it isn't being answered. And I've been humbled to think that perhaps His greatest mercy is my check-list of prayers unanswered.
Hope isn't what we imagine.
It's so much greater than we can even dream.
Thinking I've hoped, I have only just barely scratched the surface.
When moments in the *whirl and twirl* of life bring me to a sudden halt as I See Him, and an ache for more leaves me unsettled, I tend to get grumpy instead of grateful.
In the unwrapping and receiving of grace,
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Fall into these moments as they come, friends.
And choose gratefulness for them.
He is not a hurried, forceful, laser-focused God.
He is slow and steady.
Choose grace for others around you who hustle and bustle blindly.
Choose grace for yourself as you ache with an unsettledness.
There's purpose in this.
Longing for peace in the hurried, I heard this song on the radio and was overwhelmed by the truth of it. Rich blessings to you as you listen.