living gratefully :: truth

He turns and feels me there checking on him.

I whisper "I love you" and he tells me the same. He's semi-awake.

I tell him that we're leaving for the hospital, his daddy and me.

"Daddy's belly hurts and he needs medicine. Mimi is here, downstairs."

He nestles in and I just know that he'll soon realize what I just said.
I imagine he will venture down to see her. And he does.

When I see him the next day he tells me that he asked her where we were, and that she told him we went for a walk.

He knows better.

In his telling me of this, I can sense his disappointment at not being told the Truth.

I tell him what he craves. Truth. How it took longer to get medicine.

He asks why, and I tell him that Daddy needs surgery.

I can see it appear so clearly. Fear. 

When we get a bit of private time together, I hold him close and he falls apart--free to express his heart--tears rush out and let loose.

He is afraid of losing his Daddy.

I am struck at Truth--how it's powerful and I can't deny it. 

There's nothing I can tell the Boy-Man to make his fears dissolve.

He's just a Boy, and yet already such a Man. He knows Truth.

I tell him that I can't promise him that Daddy will be okay.

I tell him that I can Hope and that I choose to Trust. 

And just then, my own fears are so clear.

I am afraid that something devastating will happen--that we'll lose him--even though it's such a low risk, this surgery.

But still, I know Truth--that even awakening each day is a risk.

The Boy-Man knows Truth. 

He knows I can't promise.

I tell him to pray for Peace.

It's so hard to step back and let God do the parenting--
     to trust that He knows what is best,
          even with this Boy-Man who hardly knows Him. Daddy-God.

Truth is hard. 

Yet, it's all I can choose to Live.

Knowing Truth is my gratitude. And this is my worship. 

_______________________________

{Grace} Unwrapped...

...the Man-Boy's room in Pediatrics--a great place for a child-at-heart...

...comfort found in visiting Daddy--video games!...

...how the Boy-Man's fears remind me nothing is for certain...

...seeing how others handle Fear...

...and the promises they make and can't keep...

...how we live five minutes away from Mom and Dad, and how they care...

...friends who touch me deeply with concern...

...how I can feel prayers...

...peace in the waiting room...

...time to write and how it gives me peace...

...access to the web world in this place...

...the relief washed across hearts of waiting families at good news...

...a full night's sleep after more than a full day without any...

...Ninety-year-old Gram praying for us all at her Bible group...

...Sister-in-Law making efforts to be with me...

...Truth, and how choosing it is always so good...

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