living gratefully :: imperfect

Our neighbors tell us that the Boy-Man is a delight to watch.

They see his joy. His exuberance for life--how he bounds on the school bus each day, and even off it coming home.

They tell us that we're the ideal parents. And I cringe.

I worry. 

Do they consider the *issues*?

That he speaks back to us at home, and not out in other spaces, is good. Healthy.

I tell myself that the Boy needs space to be free. 

He needs to feel safe at home. To feel the weight of his emotions.

And this is truth.

Still, though, he holds back and I know it.

We keep his schedule free-flowing and not tight to the brim. Building in time to breathe and rest is important.

But what about when you don't allow for time to talk?

What about when you've structured the moments just so that he keeps to himself and hardly says how he feels, let alone even think.

The sleep walking and active mind, even when it's dark, I think about that.

And I wonder--could his mind not be turning off? 
Could he not be really resting, emotionally?
Is he re-playing his day?

Is that why he wakes up and is so talkative about the previous day when we gather 'round the breakfast table?

I worry that he'll have issues.
And I know that he will.
I tell myself that it is important that he does.

God will allow whatever it takes for the Boy to know Him. 

And I remind myself that we'll never parent perfectly.

I comment out loud to our neighbors that I hope they aren't expecting too much of us.

I ask our dear neighbor-friends if they will let us know if they sense something awry about the Boy, and even invite him in to talk with them, if they want.

Because, it takes a village. And I believe it.

My heart knows the Boy will have issues.

And I know that some of them will be from our failed parenting.

We might hold too tight.
We might not allow him time to talk.
We might tell him what to do too much,
and he might not know how to think for himself.

All I can do is Let. Go. 

Trust. Hope. Cling to Truth. 

My Father has *this*.
He knows what the Boy needs.

I am grateful for the Truth. And, trusting in this is my worship. 
___________________________________________

Gratitude for {Grace}...

...a mature conversation with the Boy about how he thinks I'm mean...

...my response that I'm being responsible in my parenting...

...explaining to the Boy that lying is not good character...

...telling the Boy that his life is a story and he is the main character...

...talking about the value of good character...

...sharing with the Boy what people tell me about him: he's a gentleman...

...breakfast laid out the next day by the Boy-Man, all proud-like of himself...

...how it leads me to pray that he isn't trying to be good...

...and how I pray the Boy will See and know His love for him...

...how the breakfast-time provides him time to talk, and us to listen...

...how the doggie-momma comforts him when he's sad...

...how she tolerates him {often like me}--she accepts him touching her...

...our neighbors' affirmation of our parenting, though it aches...

...and that we were together to hear their truth-telling...

...how that truth-telling fills us up and brings us to our knees...

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