Monday, September 12, 2011

when stepping back is the gift

Sometimes Grace shows up by giving space for hurt; permission, almost--Freedom. 

I am Seeing that for some people, hearing my voice, reading my words, and even seeing images of me, might feel a bit like a bandaid ripped off, leaving the wound exposed--raw. Feelings naked.

Some people just aren't ready for that kind of revealing.

Grace understands and she lets time heal.

Grace steps back and says she can wait.

I've spent my life trying to make a relationship.
I've thought if I live everything right then one would bloom.
I've focused on fixing my failings--owning my part in the fence between us.

I forgave {for freedom sake}, and I admit that I thought it would solve everything; that I'd be healed from all pain.

But it didn't work like that.
I feel like a failure for not making it happen--the reconciliation.

Knowing the weakness and inabilities of humans, I don't trust the capability of others to forgive. He can't {possibly} forgive completely and perfectly.

I've looked inward and tried even harder to forgive because maybe I just didn't forgive enough.

I feel shameful when I fail. And so when pain remains it makes me wonder what I did, or what else I need to do. I feel not good enough.

Truth is, sometimes I need to do *less.*

It's not about Me. 

This perspective is the *thin place* where faith believes He has purpose for the time.

I am learning to step back and choose Grace--for him and for me to live in the pain.

What I think of what our relationship {maybe} should be, I am sad for what it isn't, and yet maybe what it Is, is mercy in disguise--and Grace.

Truth tells me what it is *today* is for purpose, and invites me to lean into Grace to Let. It. Be.

Thank you, Father, that I can trust you with even *this.* 
I lift my hands off and trust in Your Hands. 

Gratitude for {Grace}...

...readiness for a new season...

...lunchtimes with {just} my groom and me... from flooding...

...Seeing *purpose* in {even} animals... for the Boy to attend his first D-I football game...

...a job. {period}...

...purpose in prayers...


  1. This is absolutely beautiful! It just may be my favorite post so far! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!

  2. stopping by from Ann's...Beautifully have expressed right where I am ....learning Grace to step away...letting it be what it is...even though sad it is not what it was or should be...painful...but healing. My post today was going to be along this same line...posted something different...probably post wed.
    Thanks for the honesty...your words encourage me today.

  3. "The grace to step away". So much depth and beauty in these words. I never thought as grace as stepping back before. I always saw it as going forward, moving on and pursuing. Yet there are times when God has asked me to step back, get out of the way, let Him handle it. Such a wonderful post.

  4. Life and relationships are messy. Jesus doesn't save us from the complications and the messiness. Like you say, thinking that we have all the control and power because of our own sense of humility and spirituality is, in the end, false humility. We have no control over anyone else's feelings or reactions or emotional needs. All we can do is get right with God, and be. "This is what the Lord asks of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God." Mica 6:8

  5. Beautiful Amy! Grace to *let it be*... oh yes! Love that. Wanted to stop by from you comment on my (in)courage post today. Fun to see you join in gratitude posts on Monday's too! Such a great list of gifts. Lunchtimes with your groom... sounds perfect! :)