how I am changed

Parenting wrecks me.

I make it out to be so much more than it is.  

It's more than making sure my boy uses his manners, and keeps his face clean, and learns to make good choices.

Because someday {when he's my age} there might be a time or two when he'll wipe his face with his hands while driving (kinda like I sometimes do when I'm all alone in my car).

He might even pick his nose, or burp and not say excuse me (things I never do, of course).  

The boy is likely to pig out on everything bad on a Sunday (kinda like I did just yesterday), even though I try to teach him to eat healthy.

It's possible that he'll sometimes choose not to wear his seatbelt and rationalize it's not necessary when he's only driving down the street.

When he's away from my ear-shot he'll probably use foul language when he's ticked off, and drive too fast.

He might be mean to someone, gossip, lie, cheat, steal, and whine over the things he doesn't have when he wants them.

Chances are, he'll do it all wrong.  Just like me.

For now, I try my best to keep him safe and even then I'm not in control, as his bus drives away, or he plays on the playground at school a little too recklessly, or he goes to a friend's house and does things he'd never do in my presence.

I have to remember that God is in control.  And I am not.

Just as He's in control of the boy's life, God's in control of my life as I do this parenting-thing.  And He has purpose in this beyond my child.  It's more than him.

It's about Him, and what He's doing in my life.  

He makes it about my growth - how I change - as a result of this parenting-thing.  People see something different as a result of how I've been influenced by the challenges of parenting.

Who I've made me to be is shattering before my years.

When I question whether it's worth it - this parenting-thing - it doesn't take long for me to remember that it's not my choice, really.  My Father created me to have a role like His - to parent a child.

God uses our parenting roles to give us eyes to see what love is - in a deeper, truer way.

And I see...slowly...

Parenting is about sacrificing ourselves.

Parenting is forgiving - again and again and again, and AGAIN.

Parenting is accepting - unconditionally.

Parenting is guiding.

Parenting is teaching.

Parenting is extending grace for children to be themselves and freely live their life.

Parenting recognizes imperfection and gives room for mistake-making.

There's so much my Father is teaching me through this journey called parenting.  Through it, I'm learning more about trusting Him and really surrendering to His ways.  

I see that He really does know best and He really does have my best in His mind.

There is a huge benefit - a value added to my life - in being a parent.  It's a hard one to acknowledge, though.  And I struggle to give thanks for it.  Parenting grows beauty in me through the painful refining.  It takes the painful, hard times.  They are necessary.  And I am better served for those times.

Thank you, Father, for the enormous purpose in all of *this*.

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Unwrapped *Gifts* of {Grace}...

...a thank you note from the boy for Easter gifts he knew came from me and not Mr. E.B...

...talking about Christ and how He "lives in our hearts" with my boy and his friend...

...a sliver of *truth* exposed in my words...

...{fun} ideas to tell the Truth about Easter with the boy...

...*seeing* that I encourage others to live in freedom...

...a morning run without rain...

...*seeing* that my God is the same God who freed the Israelites...

...excitement and hope for writing...

...words to write after a brief time off...

...how blurting-out tells me something important...

...pausing on *now*...

...wanting more for the man and me...

...calmness in me...

...*seeing* how I could've taken a different approach, {and therefore learning}...

...the boy's use of polite, thankful words...

...seeing how "just playing" is sometimes a better approach than focused teaching...

...celebrating my groom's life...

...the man reaching for me and wanting to touch his bride...