Everything the man does first is for us.
I start my day with the focus of my Father. Listening carefully to what He wants from me. Sharing with Him *my gratefulness*. Learning from Him.
Then, taking care of this body He created - stretching and going out for a run. Being healthy and well are my first priorities.
After the first two hours of my day to myself, I prepare breakfast for the family I've been blessed with. We eat together and anticipate our days together, asking for God's protection and guidance.
And then we're off - working hard and learning, and hopefully giving of ourselves to others.
A few days during the week I carve out for lunch with my Groom and we appreciate the closeness of my work that allows us the time. It's nice to connect in this way, even if a lot of the time we eat with little conversation - it's just nice to be together.
We eat dinner together, then go for a walk and play something together.
The boy-man's bedtime routine involves talking about what made us smile, taking turns reading together, then thanking the Good Lord for His protection over us, thanking Him for all He blessed us with, and asking for His continued protection as we rest.
Minus the dog, our evening's seem so Norman Rockwell-esque. We're grateful for the simplicity of the routine.
Most of the time I come home exhausted, having left little for the man and the boy.
I've gotten myself flat out. At nearly 8:15 on the dot, I'm horizontal on the couch with my head right next to my Groom. Being near him is comforting in itself. I wake up at just about 9:00 and then we head to bed.
Trying to not surrender so quickly to the tug of sleep, I remind myself of the importance of connecting - building intimacy together. Not allowing myself to just say I love you and goodnight, and turn over to retreat into sleep-land. Instead, showing him we matter most.
On the weekends I clean the dust and the germs from the living of our week, being quick about it so we have room to play in our day. We enjoy our days together - our days slowed down.
A lot of what I do is for the man-boy, and the boy-man. All good stuff.
But, I'm not one of those wives who keeps up my image during the weekend - at least not very often. This weekend, though, I've been thinking about leaving some for him, and how I want to show him how much I enjoy our time together, and how much I want to not only take from him, but give to him.
It takes more effort to remember, at first - deliberately reserving some of myself for him, and us.
I make it a priority to be healthy on the inside. I'm thinking about making it a priority to be healthy on the outside, too.
I know I'm pretty in a baseball cap and a ponytail, and even yoga pants or pajama pants. But sometimes, I think a little extra effort for the man - to have an appearance that pleases him and shows him that I put in the effort for him - says I care, says he matters, says he's worth my effort. Because, when I stop and think about *who* I take the time for, it's usually not him.
He usually gets my leftovers. And as appreciative as he is, knowing that I work to provide for our family, he could use a little more pretty in his life - just for him.
He deserves a little more than I sometimes give him, although I know he loves me no matter what, and I know he thinks I'm pretty no matter what, and I know he feels loved in an enormous way by the way I love on our son.
He doesn't even have to tell me all of this. I just know.
But still, I think he deserves more. Even one evening for me to not turn myself off from all of living. Even one weekend day to do a little more for me.
My fingernails seem to be the last thing I ever take care of, and yet the simplicity of my hands pleases him. I know this. When I put in effort to shape my nails and put some shiny-clear polish on, and keep my hands smoothened and soft, this kind of pretty is a kind that makes him happy.
When I don't shrug away his hand when he goes to touch me. When I wear a shirt that doesn't ride up when I bend over, even if I'm just weeding in our garden. It pleases him, because I am his Bride and he wants me, for his own.
It isn't just the make-up or the hair that makes him happy. He's actually a husband who has said on more than one occassion that he's kind of smitten with his Bride wearing soccer shoes, a pony tail, and a baseball cap. He actually likes to see my strong athletic legs, and so he prefers shorts over capris. And he's actually said I've been too thin when he's felt bones instead of me.
He wants to feel me.
Still, though, I could extend Grace to him a little bit more.
I could give him more of my attention, my energy, my truly listening ears, and most of all I could not assume he's saying something different than he actually is - I could trust his word.
I could do simple things to make him happy and not overlook his desires.
I've been thinking a lot about all of this over these past two days - in the time carved out for us, Grace of time slowed down. It's all good perspective as we prepare to start a new week.
Still in my pjs at nearly 2 p.m., I hugged the man-boy and the boy-man, kissed them and told them I love them as they head out with a friend - doing what men do...
I told them I'm going to go break a trail with my cross-country skis (and it speaks loudly to me of living with purpose - breaking trails with ideas of goodness and truth)...
And, I'll be all cleaned up for him when he gets back.
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Gifts of Gratitude...
- ...the boy-man's excitement of returning to school after a week off...
- ...falling back asleep after lying awake before it was time...
- ...my groom shoveling off our roof...
- ...truth about my body...
- ...teaching the boy-man about loving a woman, as his mother...
- ...the way the boy-man still fits in my arms...
- ...the man going for a milk-run at the end of the day...
- ...the boy-man asking me to dance with him...
- ...good manners...
- ...a clean house (with help!)...
- ...organized closets, and a decision to tuck some old toys away for the *future*...
- ...a sunny and balmy winter afternoon and a workout cutting a ski trail...
- ...my parent's homestead just through the path from our house...
- ...a warm shower after a cold, wet run...
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