fly

these dreams i have held tightly are beginning to untether.

for so long i've let my grip be strong, nearly balling these visions up like a used tissue.

my palms sweaty with anxiousness as i've wondered has led me astray in wander. 

impatience has been the side effect of my fear that these dreams are wasteful and nothingness.

faith seemed like such work, too hard to even consider a simmer and slow bake.

a quick-fix has been my guise for nourishment, when really i need the long kind of cook.

i need all the moments of my story to process, to ferment if you will, for the best kind of health.

the process, sometimes seeming strange and odd, i now see as wondrous and a gift.

His Bread is different from what i've thought or even wanted.

i've cringed and felt the pangs of nausea rise over the appearance of what He brings me to.

yet, now i see how what He gifts is yeasty-like, so sweet in time.

and time is what makes these dreams loosen, and fly.

this is my worship. 

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how fear limits me

I said I "never" would.  And now I feel an invitation to do the very thing I said I never would do.

I think of the reason I said no.  And it was to avoid the cliques.

There is goodness in all things and when I focus on the negative I've given it more power than it deserves.  

I think of how I lived so many years of my life avoiding situations and people because I was afraid of their clique.  I was afraid of what those people would think of me, and how I just might not fit in.  And even though I've grown through those years, those fears have followed me into today.

I couldn't wait to get out of high school because I felt awkward trying to live my own life.  I picture myself waddling through life, all insecure of even how to walk.  Like a bobble head not able to keep herself upright or straight.

What did I miss out on by avoiding certain situations?

I don't want to miss out today.  I don't want to be the one who says "no thank you" because of fear that I am not good enough.

Today when I live in the same community as those people who were a part of those cliques {way back in those high school years}, my tendency is to avoid.  And yet, I know we're different people with each passing day and I am good enough.  There's purpose for my life, for where I live, and for who I live near.

Shirking back, hiding and avoiding isn't an honorable way to live.

And so, I will boldly connect with others today - even if I am not a part of their little clique.  Maybe, having me a part of this community - or that event - will have purpose for them.

No matter what, I will not be limited by these fears.