Wednesday, October 3, 2012

raw | {Day 3}: Keeping it Real

I wanted to hide.

But I'd been exposed.

Sitting there in a Management Roundtable meeting with other professionals where I work, all of us *willing* to be honest about our challenges as *managers*, she called out my insecurities.

     "You think too much."

And it stung. Those words and that truth.

She was right.

     I do think too much.

Wounds have made me timid.

     People have misunderstood the intentions of my heart.

          And confidence has been a hard reach.

I've struggled to live my place in this world. 

     Where He calls me to be different. Just as He calls you.

          ...To live our unique.

I apologized for being so intense and was met with warm, kind assurance of who I am.

     It was almost hard to see, but it was there.
     A steady, calm, affirmation that I needn't apologize.

Her words spoke to my heart that I am so much more than I see.

     "What if you start just being You?"

Embarrassed that it's taken me this long to make that choice, I reel in defense.

     But I have! 

And yet, I haven't. Not there. Not at work. Not with those people. And really, not in real life.

What if I start? With no apologies.
     To step out and be *Me.*

In the Real living. Not just here.

     With my colleagues.
     And my neighbors.
     And with church goers where we've started attending.
     And parents of children my child attends school with.

So I jotted down the address to where my writing can be found. And without thinking, I handed her the card. I still wonder what she thinks. She, a Communications expert in our division, and me, a communications-wannabe.

It's a gift for her telling. For that stinging.

     It's grace.

Enough of the questioning why I do what I do, or why I am who I am. Enough of the defending.

He wants me to live unapologetically. 

     Just. Live.

It's His challenge to me. An invitation for Real.

And so I breathe. Raw. And yet, a little bit more free.


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