Thursday, February 10, 2011

clearing my mind to *trust*

Everyone has parts of their job that they don't like.

They have to work at it to accept those parts.  Perhaps that's why it's called work and not play.  For me, the one part of my job I don't like is the leaving my family part.  I really have to work at accepting that my job takes me away from my family.  It requires so much *trust*.  Trust that God will keep me safe.  And them, too.  And that if He doesn't, that it's for our good.  That He designed this job as part of His plan.

It's good for me to travel sometimes.  God really uses the time when I'm on the road to clear my mind and draw me nearer to Him.  He opens my eyes to what He's doing in me, and I fall into such a deep love and appreciation for my Groom.

I'm realizing that my life has been leading me toward Grace with each step I take.  I am learning that what God asks of me is that I follow Him.  And then I begin to really believe Him, and how He loves me so.  And now, now I am really beginning to see how obeying Him - trusting and obeying Him - is the most satisfying choice I can ever make.

Trusting God doesn't come easy for me.

I want to change myself or I think it's necessary that I get better at something.  But that isn't required of me.  All that is required is that I follow Him - just the way I am.  God isn't for the perfect or the almost perfect - He's for the totally not perfect.  Realizing that I am no better than anyone else and that no one is any better than me, and that we aren't asked to make any changes in our lives before following Him...this is so freeing!

Lately I've come to a place where I am really learning to *trust* God.

God was in my childhood and every specific aspect of it, including my hurts.  He was in my teenage years and every single choice I made, including the consequences of those choices.  He was in my marriage happening and in the years that have followed, even the ugly ones.  He was in the creation and the passing of the baby girl who grew inside of me.  He was in the creation and birth of my son who is growing into a someday-man. God was in all of this, just as He is in the job I have and how it takes me away from home.

God has purpose in all of this and knowing that gives me a greater understanding that He is not against us, but He is always fighting for our good.

God is good.

Gratitude is a powerful thing.  It brings us to our knees in humility, realizing that sometimes certain things are allowed to happen for us to see just how powerful His Grace and Love is for us.  Sometimes pretty ugly things need to happen and sometimes hard things need to happen.

So, as hard as it is to say "see ya" to my groom and my son, I am incredibly grateful for how being on the road clears my mind...and for how the road always leads to Him.

No comments:

Post a Comment