Monday, June 4, 2012

how a banana made me pause

Hastily I give hugs and say "I love you".

I get in the car and drive away thinking about how it all just felt like boxes being checked.

He's not a box.

My groom deserves more than what I often give him.

The grouchiness remains.

I respond to a friend and just sputter all my feelings.

I didn't pause to give thanks.

The morning didn't go as I would have liked. Its results were to be expected.

I didn't give him my time. I didn't ask about him

I didn't surrender to the quiet. I didn't slow. I didn't even speak.

And just as I was grabbing my essentials for the day in a big huff, I noticed it sitting there and paused.

I questioned how it got there and a few seconds made me slow.

A banana.

Right near my phone. Right where I wouldn't miss it.

"That was me. I didn't know if you might want it." He witnessed my pause and questioning.

I think of the things I read about his personality type earlier this spring.

A work retreat and a test gave way to curiosity about what I already know of him.

He does the things that, 
     when they aren't done, would be noticed more than when they are done.

The truth of his character stings as I recall not acknowledging all he does.

"Thank you," I reply. Without even looking at him. Because shame makes me want to hide.

The banana slowed me. And I remember the moment still, two months later.

His grace. His favor. His thought. His love.

This girl who suddenly crashes without much of a warning and needs food like she needs air.

     He knew.
          He remembered.
               He provided.
                    He cared.

And then, months later he pumps my bike tires and examines them for cracks.

He does things to make my ability to complete my first triathlon go smoothly.

His lens is focused on ways he can reduce my stress.

I never ask and he always seems to know what I need better than I do. 

Life has felt like it's been all about me lately. Because, isn't it?

I know the truth and yet it's been a challenge.

I've pitched fits and ached so much for Tomorrow that Today has been mighty hard to rest into.

I know the *whirl and twirl* of now has purpose. And I know it's not all about me.

Still...I forget sometimes. And still...he's there.

Thank you, Lord, for the groom that you knew would show me love
     in the most simplest, profound and meaningful ways.


{Grace} Unwrapped... he anticipates my needs...

...his forgiveness when I fall short to notice all he's done for us...

...the love he gives without ever seeking a return... accepting he is of me...

...the ways he digs deep to choose kindness when he's been hurt... I've grown with him...

...our story yet to be written...

...the beauty of our dark days... I've grown in adoration for this remarkable man...


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