Monday, May 16, 2011

I still struggle

When you see me walking by and think I look all sad-like, please don't judge me.

Really I'm quite happy and hardly a sad-person.

Except when you see me, and I know I've been noticed.

Because, to be honest, I still struggle being seen.

And, I still struggle with measuring up {to you}.

You, who is gentler with your boy than I am with mine, even though I {might} have a smidge more experience at this parenting thing.

You, who puts endless amounts of energy and work into your home.

You, who seems to go-go-go like that battery bunny.

You, who is just so much fun.

You, who could truly be a swimsuit model.

You, who is just more friendly than anyone I've ever known.

I struggle with thinking I am not good enough.  

So much of me wants to hide in my house and never come out.  Or, only come out when I know you're in bed still asleep.  Because, I don't even want to be seen in the break of the new day as I get out for a run.

Sometimes I just want to hide. 

Writing exposes me, especially when I put myself all out there by sharing what I've written with anyone who might care.  My core becomes known, even a little bit.  And I'm afraid of what you might think of me now that I've written my heart out.

But, I am going to choose to trust.  As hard as it is, I will keep on and I will trust that there is purpose in me {being exposed}, and it isn't to embarrass me or make me feel not good enough.

It's hard to trust, though.  And it takes a lot for me to share all of this with you.

So, when you see me, would you mind imagining that you are wrapping me up in a big hug {and just sipping tea with me,} and that we're both being all true and such?

Because, I know we've all got issues.  And I know you aren't any better than me.  And I know I am good enough to be your friend.

I just struggle sometimes to believe the truth.  

You help when you don't try to figure me out and when you just love me.

So, will you?  Please?  Let's just be real.  

Lord, I know you want more of me and that you will keep getting-at these lies that surface in my mind.  Help me to receive your truth, love and unconditional acceptance of me.  Free me from not feeling good enough... 


Unwrapped *Gifts* of {Grace}...

...gratefulness for two days to sleep later...

...celebrating 90 years of my Gram's beautiful life with four generations...

...awakening with energy and strength...

...grace of my groom's embrace after a day of me being a grump...

...a perennial garden to tend...

...fifty shades of green in the landscape...

...people in my life who care about me...

...truthful words from my Boy-Man that I am "irritating," and seeing a better way...


  1. Beautifully written. You are not alone in your wanting to hide. I'm there sometimes too. I'm glad He doesn't let us stay there. :)


  2. Your post brought tears to my eyes. If you only knew how much I struggle with this issue too. I constantly compare myself to others and constantly feel as if I don't measure up. I want to learn to embrace who God created me to be. May He wrap you up in His arms of love today!

  3. Coming over from Ann's link...
    This was so beautifully written! And I understand. I'm glad that God does not leave us there but works on us to get out there and live for Him. Thank you for being real! :)

  4. Amy,
    Yes. Every woman feels this at certain times. And I, too, thank God that He won't leave us there.
    Your transparency always moves me.
    Love and blessings to beautiful you!

  5. Love your authenticity here. You open the door for others not to feel alone.

  6. Beautiful post, beautiful words. God bless you!

  7. Amy,
    I came to your blog to thank you for the lovely, encouraging words you left for me regarding "Outside The Box" on Blest To Be. And so, I thank you so much.
    Couldn't leave without commenting on your post about not being good enough. God knows I felt that way most of my life - low self esteem, unworthiness, the whole bit. I am now at the ripe young age of 75 - it's taken most of my lifetime but I finally accept the 'me' that God made - I AM good enough, I AM loved, I AM God's child! He has given me this gift of writing and I am becoming more and more comfortable with it - not worrying what people will think, but just writing from the heart.
    Please, Amy, know that you are a beautiful person - I can tell from your writing. Stay in touch with those who encourage and support who you are. I will be back - and please visit my blog again - your comments are so very much appreciated.
    God Bless.